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How do you keep from losing it with a parent that is both narcissistic and extremely vain? She can’t hear but refuses hearing aids, so if we try to watch a movie, the volume is so loud I can barely stand it. Then she wants to talk and of course, I can’t hear her because of the volume of tv. I end up pausing the movie a dozen times so I now just play games on my phone and not really watch it. OR the more dangerous issue of having a terrible back and thinning hip bones, refusing any type of appliance to help her get around safely and easier. I have to hold her hand and help her everywhere and have explained that if she falls, breaking a hip is a certainty and I can also hurt myself by trying to break her fall. Will not discuss either of these and it all has to do with vanity. She is actually making her pain worse by trying to walk without assistance, since she has to favor one leg, so muscles are getting weaker on one side. I completely lost it last week and told her off, of course, she argues right back just as we did when I was a teenager. I’m so stressed out I broke several crowns eating hard candy for some kind of stress relief, lol! Decided I better hit the gym instead! Advice?

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Becky has a great answer. My Mom comes from a long line of vain women. She herself was very upset when she spent a fortune on hearing aids for my Grandmother and she refused to wear them. Now her sister has dementia and weighs A LOT and refuses to use a walker. My Mom is incredibly vain too. She refused to wear the safety device that would summon the paramedics if she fell. She is a major fall risk and has fallen many times. The only time she ever used that device was by accident summoning the firetruck and ambulance curiously pushing the button no longer remembering it’s purpose because dementia has taken a foothold. You know the old saying, “You can lead a horse to water...........but you can’t MAKE them drink!” Tis true.
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Thank you so much for all your wisdom and encouragement! I need it and you all have my thoughts and prayers as you travel on this journey. Thanks again!
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saundie, usually what happens is when we move in or are nearby to help a parent, that parent still views us as being in our 20's or 30's, instead of being seniors or near-to-be seniors ourselves.

My Mom was also very vain. She refused to use a walker, guess I should be thankful she used a cane for going to the doctor's office, but not outside of her home.

When I got my Dad a rolling walker, which he loved, Mom didn't want him to use it outside, she was afraid the neighbors might think he was old. HELLO, you both are in your 90's. The neighbors would probably think "well, it's about time" if they saw Dad with his new walker.... [sigh].

As for the LOUD volume on TV, check around to see if your can buy a cable box remote where the volume only goes up to a certain amount. Eventually when you talk to Mom, get to a point where you whisper, and ask others to do the same so that Mom will finally wear hearing aids.

There are quite a few famous people who wear hearing aids, it's no big deal to them. Heart throb Rob Lowe wears them. If Mom doesn't know who he is, tell her Robert Redford wears them, he does. Then there is Rush Limbaugh, and Prince Philip.
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So can you tell us more about your situation? Do you live with mom? Her house or yours? How old is she?

You could get mom some headphones for the TV so that she can crank up the sound and it's not unbearable for you. My almost deaf dad had those. I could hear the TV from across the room (through his headphones, LOL) but it wasn't nearly as unbearable as having that unfiltered sound coming from the TV. Or if she won't wear them, YOU wear them and turn it to a reasonable volume level for you and hope the phones cancel out the overall volume.

You definitely need some time away from mom or she'll drive you nuts. I didn't live with my mom and my mom wasn't narcissistic, but after a couple of hours, I needed to get away for my own sanity. Gym time is good, time with friends is critical. Does mom have any social outlets that can give you some alone time?

If she won't use a walker or cane, then that's her choice. Just don't hurt yourself trying to protect her. She has a right to make her own decisions in her life, but she doesn't have the right to negatively impact your health and happiness.
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Have your mother's doctor order a PT evaluation for your mom. Have them teach her how to use a walker.

Have them teach YOU how to use a gait belt on mom, and how to step back if she falls, and how to do a "controlled fall" without hurting yourself.
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Your mother can hurt you physically if she has mobility issues and falls. There are a number of mechanisms for this happening. My mom did this for several years. I ended up with a dislocated shoulder when she pulling on my arm trying to keep from falling. She was not injured in any way. I had a shoulder dislocation and a small muscle tear. I had a painful shoulder reduction and ended up with a surgery two years later. Get your mom a walker and insist she use it. Don't ruin your health over her poor behavior and vanity.
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