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How can I deal with living with my elderly Mom when I feel anxiety just looking at her ? She is 88 and healthy but old and it is not her fault. What can I do for myself?

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september21 it is very important for you and your parent to watch funny movies and shows on tv all day long. Do not watch anything sad. Sadness and depression causes our bodies to release toxic chemicals that do harm to our health and one of the best ways to combat sadness is with laughter. If you don't try this it's only gonna get worse. Please give it a try. Think Marx Brothers, Three stooges, W. C. Fields, I Love Lucy, etc.
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I hope you really enjoy your time away and am glad you have a husband who enjoys staying home. When my husband was alive he liked to watch TV and I crocheted lap robes to donate to our senior center and they were given to many nursing homes abd VA hospitals-that way I spent time with him and did something useful at the same time-take care
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195 austin .. both of my daughters works in nursing homes and other nursing homes , they did tell me not to put my dad in those places . he was in one in fla and hated it and cries for me .
i know when mytime comes it will be up to my children , i have no say so but i know both of my daughters will not put me in nursing home , ( they have seen so much ). maybe i wont live to be old , only god knows .
i can not ask my brother for more money , whatever i want i will have to pay for it out of my pocket . thats ok we never go anywhere before dad came so why now . my husband is a homebody and so am i . we do get out once in a while when my daughter stays with her pa .
i am so ready for tmr . going out to dinnerthen on saturday we will be gone !! horray !!!! tmr is our 30 yrs annivesary..
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Ihardebeck-I am glad you are going to get away for a bit you need it as so does your husband-if your brother will not help why not ask him for some money so you can get consistant help maybe once a week or so you can be sure when your Dad passes away he will be first in line to see if there is any money lelt do not assume that one of your daughters will care for you when the time comes -one Mom can take care of 6 kids but 6 kids do not always take care of 1 Mom-and do not make her promise not to put you in a nursing home anyway your Dad may outlive you caregivers dies at an alarming rate before the ones they are caring for.and it is not fair to your husband to be put second I was for many years his mother and other relatives came first and I and the kids came much after and it gave his mother too much power but he did put her in a nursing home againist her wants-I was not going to care for her when she made life so bad for me for many years.
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boardncare..
i misunderstood you last night . i thought you was askin me if i be intersting in taking in a elder . oops sorry.. my mind was in shambles yesterday . yes i would like to see the infomations you have ..
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oh i cant do that , i still have my dad to take care of . when i get my freedom back im going to enjoy it for a long time . im willin to do all this for my father only . my mother passed away 20 yrs ago . i dontthink i can do it again unless its my husband mother shes 81 yrs old . senil and her youngest son is living with her . i hope he continue to do that . if nnot im going to end up takin care of her cuz my husband takes care of my father also ... what goes around comes back around i guess .... ijust hope i dont have to take care of his mother she is 5 times worst than my father , alz ...
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I understand what you are going through..I am opening up a board and care for the elderly, you might be interested in checking it out...please let me know if you are interested
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dear nauseated,,
thank you very much for those kind words , am sorryfor your loss , he s still in your heart . theres time i think i hear dad hollaring and i go check on him , hes sleeping hahaha . i have a feeling when he s gone im going to still hear him hollaring , wink , then i;ll know he s still in myheart . =)
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Dear lhardebeck, you are such a wonderful daughter. You will not be sorry, for caring for your Dad. You will look back and say to yourself, I gave him what no one else could, a loving, caring, safe home. And he will also know. And life is too short, I thought my Dad would outlive me too. And then a couple months later, he passed away, and I miss him so much.
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i know some people can put thier parents in a nursing home . my father has already been in a nursing home and he doesnt like it cuz he has to wait around for help when he needs it . alot of time its short of staff and theyre doing the best they can (had my father sit wait for hrs in his soil briefs) both of my daughters are cna and they both work in differnt nursing homes and they tell me oh no u dont want to put pa in nursing home . i have been in several nursing homes and they put on a face like ohh hiiii and acts like dad is getting the best care . i have showed up in diffrent hours , once i showed up at 930 pm , theres my step mom sittin in her wheelchair dying !! i ask her what are u doing sittin out in the hall . she says oh im wait on them to put me in bed , ben sittin here for along time . i had to growl and bark at the nurses ! bed had no sheets on the bed . nanana no thank you i ;ll keep my father home where i can work with him anytime he hollars help me ....
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I do not want my children to care for me 24/7, I know what it does to a family, my cousin has worked in local nursing homes and she says it is a caring enviorment. I don't think you should put your loved one there and forget about them, you can still love them and go often, sometimes you need to go to another home for one reason or another, maybe the care is better at another. But when you have children of your own and a husband and other parents, why give up everyone else. It is differnet when you have children to care for than caring for and ill parent. Out side help is expensive, but usually there is help with finances, we are fortunate to have several girls that we have known and trust to help us and we have a schedule, but the care of the mother in-law has taken over all our lives.
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you need to go see ur doctor . i have people telling me i should go see my dr , but i am fighting it and ive accept it and it is all part of life . the cycle goes on and on .
you have to accept the fact they are not getting any younger .
i know i will be in that shoes one day and believe me i would not want my children to feel that way . everybody has to face the facts . deal with it and say ok do what you have to do .
go see your doctor and explain your feelings and im sure ur doctor could try to help you . take care ,,,
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I want so much to appreciate her because of all that she has done for me. Why is it so hard for me to accept her aging. What am I afraid of ... losing her. How can I treasure my time left with her when I have all of this anxiety and sadness. Would counseling help ?

Thank You
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september21 ,, life is so short and just get overthat axity and enjoy begin with ur mother . u will be greatly reward for taking care of your mother . i lost my mother when i was 27 yrs old . we were very close and i often wondered if mom was still alive i would be takin care of her . she ask me not to put her in nursing home when she gets old . she didnt get a chance to be old cancer took her at 64 yrs old . got her first ss check and she gone the next .
love your mom like u would to ur children , thats what i am doing to my 86 yrs old dad . i keep telling myself life s short just enjoy and love em . they raise me well and i was well loved growing up and those love never dies escsialy when it come sto ur parents .
now my girls one of them will take care of me when i get in that boat . :-)
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my father lives with me and my husband . been caring for him almost 3 yrs now . ( i think ) on and off in fla till he went to nusring home and cried for me to come and get him out of there . so i did .
yes my daughter said she will look after him so her daddy and i could go out and get away for one night . :-) .. think we will do that next weekend since this weekend is labor day weekend and it be a mad house out there . i cant wait !!!
just now i notice dad s sleepin alot and getting weaker i ask him whats wrong ? he whine said he just dont feel good and is ready for bed . breaks my heart . sometimes i think its just a matter of time but then again i think he s gonna live alot longer .. am glad you have someone to look after ur mother in law . i tried to get my brother to do the ssame so dad could stay in his flordia home but he said no cant trust nobody and it cost toooo much . i am the baby out of 6 childrens and it just had to be me . im his fav baby girl . always hollarin for me . bless his heart ...
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How long have you been taking care of your father? You must find someone to stay with him so you can celebrate your anniversary. Your husband is to be first in your life. We are doing a similar care only with my husband's mother. She is a sweet woman but need someone there (in her home) 24/7.
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i know the feeling . i lost almost allmy freedom . i have 2 daughters that is a cna , they help me when i needed help (if only they can ) i have 30 years annivesray comin up tues , my husband is down in the dump cuz he too wants to go do something spiecal . guess we'll stay home and listen to dad burp belch and hollar and cry wolf all the time . dad is still the sweet old man . he cant help it . i tell myself this man wont be around forever but then i thought maybe he ;ll out live me !!!
theres always a nursing home and both of my daughters said oh no mom u dont want to put pa in there . nah i keep my daddy home with me . its better one on one than one over 25 old folks all needing help atthe same time . real sad ....
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If you Mother is 88 years old and healthy, thank God for her every day. I know that isn't the advise that you need right now and I really do understand. I am presently taking care of my 83 year old mother who is bedridden and on a feeding tube. I have been caring for her this way for 6 years. Life as I knew it will never be the same! You need a break, possibly for a few days. Try to get someone to come into your home and relieve you. I dont have anyone to do that for me and I know how much I could use time for myself. Good luck and don't stop caring for your Mother. She is a precious gift no matter what her condition.
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