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I was just signed up by the va as my mom's fiduciary. She has cognitive impairment and my sister is taking advantage of that and trying to convince mom to send her money. She is trying to make me look like the bad guy, very hard to get through to my mom that this is not the case. I am also POA, for the last 5 years my sister and I have been butting heads. She doesn't want mom near her (fla.) only interested in money and her finances, doesn't trust me with anything. I can't get throught their heads that I have moms best interest. This very stressful and I want to give up, don't know what to do? Is anyone out there a fiduciary?

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So sorry you are going through that. When my x-sister became POA to STEAL my moms money her attitude became vicious. I couldn't believe she was the same person. It was like she was out to get everybody. She is evil and I'm devastated that after all she did, milk the state out of thousands for Medicaid fraud, deny medications and not give my poor mom her last wishes that the state is allowing her to volunteer in a hospice. I'm scared for the people. Believe me I've sent all my documentation to the police , Medicaid integrity division and the Attorney Generals office. No one seems to have a problem with this serious issue. It makes you realize just what bad shape this country is in when we start to ignore why and how the elderly are being abused! Forcing the elderly into nursing homes when they have the money to stay in assisted living is simply a way to steal their money so the state doesn't get it. My x-sister did a 1st class job of it and I hate her for it. Her x-husband was a career con man and she stayed with him 30 plus years so she learned from him. I blame her as we have choices in this life. I tried so hard to get the POA away from her. I really did but I kept being guided into wrong situations and then we had 3 hurricanes in a row so that made it more difficult. By then it was too late.
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I'm trying to hand on to the POA but my sister is threatening to revoke it. My mother is easily convinced that she doesn't need it. She doesn't have a lot of money, I'm trying to make it stretch for her sake not mine. My mother is one of a kind sometimes I don't know why I fight for her, I guess I feel sorry, she had a bad childhood. Maybe she doesn't realize it but she lies right to my face, she's a conniver, just like my sisters and she has a narcissitic personality. Mix all of that up with cognitive impairment, that makes the whole situation a nightmare. They are always trashing my husband, he has done so much for her especially in the last 4 years. Out of this whole crazy family HE and I were the only ones at my dads death bed, oh I guess they don't think about that or forgot. I'm at the point where I want to disown all of them and get my life back on track.
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I'd like to comment that I brought my mom from Pennsylvania to Florida in 1998. Shortly afterwards same year her then husband was demanding I get my mom to give each of her 3 children $25,000 each which would've included his wife of course. I didn't know back then that what he was really doing was trying to spend down my moms money and deem her for a nursing home because she'd be out of money. Because I wouldn't agree to that evil request his wife (my x-sister) and him decided they would both do a number on not only my mom but me as well. The abuse that ensued was horrifying. They did manage to convince mom to sign check after check until all her money fell into their greedy paws. The state of Florida allowed them to get mom qualified for MEDICAID even having large sums of $$$$. They didn't think I'd find it but mom was smart enough to have my name on her money market accounts so I could piece the whole thing together. These x-family members will face my wrath of exposure as I plan to get the whole story out to the public and show proof of how lax the qualifying process for Medicaid is in Florida and the extreme abuse I incurred as a result of these evil x-family members. My x-sister has to realize that if you play a dangerous game like that then she is going to get the 100% credit for it. It will be in a tribute form to tell the story about my moms life and what a wonderful and amazing mom she was. I want to tell how she accumulated so much money from just being a farm girl from PA at age 14 traveling to New York to make a life for herself. I want people to know about her life and her tragic end of having money crazed individuals in your family that will stop of nothing to get that money that doesn't belong to them. I will never speak to my biological x-sister again as well as my brother won't either. I hope she croaks before me so I can be off in the distance at her funeral making a ruckus and shouting out, "YES YES YES" An elder abuser went to hell today! I have a black heart for her and not an ounce of love!
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My mom is very easy to be convinced that I am not doing my job as POA by my two sisters, long distance trouble. Parents gave me durable POA and health, my sisters are trying to tell my mom that nobody needs to have that control. I've been handling everything for mom for the last 5 yrs., she is 84 and needs that to be in place more now than before. It's not like she has a lot of money, they are just doing everything to stress me out as much as possible. They should be lucky that I am doing everything for mom and not them, they have a life. She does live by herself but expects me to come over everyday, I can't. She has cognitive impairment and sometimes I can't get out of there soon enough. Sad to say. Taking her to the store is nightmare, she doesn't realize how much she spends and when I mention it she complains to my sisters that I don't let her buy what she wants. I am ready to disown all of them and let them move her to their state, it's enough dealing with mom but having sisters all on my back makes me question why bother? I don't know how long she will live but I also know I can't take much more of this. They will be hurting mom not me but they don't care or realize, I'm tired of it! I say this but at the same time maybe mom could care less if I in place for her or not, I cannot wrap my head around it. I seem to question a lot lately, I don't want to go on with this way of life for the next 6, 7 or more years, I can't.
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Keep records, and send copies once a year to family. Defeat their suspicions with openness. My sisters demanded to know if Dad had a Will. Yes, I had helped him make out a Will and I made sure every nickel went to his wife. When he died, I shut down the corporation he had and every nickel went to his wife. It was the right thing to do, not the popular thing.
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I agree with Miller, Isnteasy and cinraff. Hang on to that POA and do your best to protect your mom and her assets. My mom has dementia and after my dad died six years ago my sibling, who lives 1000 miles away, thought that he could swoop in and take over (and get his hands on the money). When he found out that I had been named POA several years earlier he turned nasty and then stopped speaking to mom and me. It could not be more obvious that he is only interested in the money and does not care about mom or her comfort during her last years. It was very hard on mom to lose contact with her son so soon after losing her husband of sixty years, while also suffering from worsening dementia. I could not understand how a caring son could do that to his mother until I finally realized that he was not a caring son.

Do your best for your mom, keep the best records of her assets and spending that you can and try to shut out the interference from your sister. Her not trusting you is probably just a projection of her own motives on to you. You do not need to answer to your sister unless she gets the court involved, and your records will protect you. I have been told that judges do not look kindly on siblings whose motives are so obvious.
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In Florida I had a personal nightmare experience. My x-sister turned on me and my mom shortly after we moved to be a family with her. But she kept her plot and hatred very secretive as how she was going to heist my mom for her almost $400,000 estate. My x-sister is a very sinister and evil person. She walked into an attorneys office and only submitted 1 of my moms money market accounts to deliberately make my mom look poorer than she was. Together both the lawyer and x-sis fraudulently qualified my mom for Medicaid. The lawyer denies any wrong doing but I can prove different and I will. I've tried to get this story out hundreds of times to show how corrupt the system is and how they don't double check figures when qualifying an elder for Medicaid. In my opinion Florida is despicable on how they handle affairs of the elderly. They just don't care so whatever you do keep her out of Florida. My mom was forced into the worst facility, robbed blind of all her money and abused by denying medications all while x-sis went on a real estate shopping spree for her and her greedy evil husband (X) he since croaked and was the mastermind of this plot. He knew exactly what attorney they could go and see who would not check my moms true assets. Best of luck! Don't let that power get out of your hands. Hold on to it tightly, In the end the truth will always come out about who was really the good intended sibling! My evil x-sisters daughter is in for a real shocker when proof surfaces about what her evil mother did to her mother (my mom) In the meantime she probably enjoys the thought of inheriting all those properties when her mom croaks as she is an only child. She will be reminded that those properties were bought with a lot of stolen money among other nasty truths! Sometimes the worst evil is right in your family. Both myself and my brother (a retired New York City policeman) dis-owned my creep x-sister. She is off our family tree permanently. Don't give up. Who cares what your ill intended sister thinks. Do the right thing for your mom no matter how draining it is. She sounds like she at least gave the power to the right person. X-sis conned mom into signing that POA and x-sis stole everything and deprived my mom of the quality of life she so deserved!
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Correction... who HAS access.......sorry
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You are being manipulated by your sister into giving up on taking responsible care of your mother and her finances. DO NOT give up as this is what your sister wants so she can get all of your mother's money and other assets. Think of what would happen IF your sister did get control. Do what YOU think and know is right for your mother and do not give into your sister's demands.
You need to talk with your mother's doctor (s) about her cognitive impairment and then with her lawyer about setting up legal protection on her finances. Bank officials need to be notified also about who had access to accounts and for what reasons. Do not be embarrassed telling everything that is happening in your family regarding protecting your mother's finances as unfortunately they have heard it all before and worse. I've had to do this with my mother in case in the future my mom has any health issues.
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You are the POA. If you're in control of your mom's finances, just keep careful records of every penny you spend and to your sister, just say "no."
If you're her POA but don't have control of her money, take control. Keep your mom in the loop to the extent that she's able to understand, but keep a tight rein on the money. If your mom has shown signs of being vulnerable to scammers (in addition to her greedy daughter), she shouldn't have access to her money. Make sure she has pocket money to spend, and you keep control of the rest. Don't wait until it's too late.
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Oh my. My heart goes out to you. I wasn't a "fiduciary" for caregiving per se - but I was "Chief Caregiver" as the sibling that stayed local to "give back" to my special parents in their "golden years". But, I sure relate to your reference to sister geographically distant, not caregiving, & only interested in money & her finances.
The things we learn about our siblings that we were blind-sided to before. I really thought my family truly was the 1950s June & Ward Cleaver, Father Knows Best, household. My parents were - but this society affected my siblings. Sister even married her 2nd husband, 17 yrs older than her, and all was well while he was able to travel & have fun together -- but as soon as he was headed for open heart surgery, she divorced him. How cruel & crass is that?!
So, I wish I had a helpful answer for both of you & me. Other than to hold our head up high, live our morals/values, and know that we'll get our reward, it all balances out in the end. And, the wheels of justice can tread too slow.
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