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I sometimes feel like the last 25 years of putting my parents first and the incredible stress of the last 6 years have eroded things to a horrible state. Marriage counseling has been attempted, but I have found that you have to have buy in from both sides. Just wondering if it is me or if this is a common occurrence in todays world?

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I am single, but coping, alone, with Mum's dementia from 2005 until mid 2014 has done permanent damage to my health. My neurofibromatosis tumours, because I neglected my own medical check-ups etc., have become inoperable and I am permanently on a walking frame - this is a constant reminder of the way my selfish mother's selfish demands has ruined my own life.
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I"m not certain that the stress of caregiving destroys marriages as much as it uncovers weaknesses in a marriage such as one spouse being enmeshed with a parent. Sometimes marriage counseling helps and other times it is too late. I think that once a person is married that honoring one's marriage comes before honoring one's parents.
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My hubs and I bought a big house 15 years ago (I;ll be paying until I'm retired..LOL ) because i figured some set of parents would need to move in. He was always in denial about this.. until he couldn't be due to my parents health issues. It was a shock, and now his parents have had to move in with his brother. It is not always easy... They don;t want to admit thier parent is in decline.. or see thier empty nest become full again. Dad passed in Feb, and we still have mom. She is currently no real bother. BUT his dad mention before they moved in with BIL that it would be "Great" if they could move in with us also. Thank God hubs said no way! I am lucky he knows his limits and we can deal with them. It is a two way street, and I know it's hard for him.. but we are in this for the long haul. I also know I am LUCKY from what I read on here
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The stress of caregiving for my husband has basically destroyed our long time marriage. I am 80 plus and trying to care for him with Alz is just "too much".
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Although I wasn't able to marry my now exboyfriend, we had talked about it often before I moved in with my mother to "help" her only to have it turn to 24/7. Now he is a memory but the 24/7 gig isn't. He waited as long as he could. Don't blame him a bit. Life is too short. I know, I remember when I used to have one. Sigh
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I know the past 6 years of helping my parents [they are under their own roof in their mid 90's and me under my own] has put a wedge between my sig other and myself.

Sig other always complaining we never do anything, which is true. I just don't have the energy because he's not much help.... much has to do with his generation where many of the men never learned to help with the housework or do caregiving. We both will be 70. Plus throw in breast cancer into the mix, which didn't help our relationship at all.
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