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My father is 90, my mom is 86. I am sure my father has some dementia (never been diagnosed and no use trying, he hates doctors). But my mom is diabetic and only take oral meds to help, but recently they have been higher (mid 200's). I know she does eat some chips and a little ice cream each night, but I am wondering if the stress she deals with daily is creating her sugar levels to stay higher? The doctor has recently increased her Actos and her A1C (?) is a little high so he said if it doesn't start to come down within the next 3 months, she will either have to take Januvia or take night time shots (which she said she will never do). So how can she relieve this stress from my dad (he loses stuff, blames her, he fusses on and on over things until she just gets sick and tired of it all). She has basically no one to talk to except for me (all her close friends have passed on). And oh, my dad is definitely an extrovert (talker upon belief) and when she does go to say something he gets pissed off because he apparently wasn't done talking himself. I really don't think she needs the increase of meds BUT how does she get rid of the stress of dealing with dad?

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Due to an administrative mix-up, I had appointments with both a dietician and a CDE early in the disease. Yes, they both are people telling you what to eat, but the CDE is much more. She or he will also talk about exercise, about stress, about how to work your favorite foods into your diet, and lots of topics specifically related to diabetes, which isn't just about what to eat. Try it. You might like it!
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jeannegibbs - thanks, I have told mom to maybe hide her stuff so he can't find it but I can only suggest. I am thankful for this site, it has been helpful in many ways in giving my mom suggestions,etc. I guess time will tell with the increase of her one med if it will work. I keep telling her she needs to also walk around in the house to get some exercise since the weather prohibits that now. But its not safe for her to walk down our road but I told her to walk back and forth in driveway or down the back yard. every little bit helps. Thanks again for your suggestion on the CDE. (but if that is just someone on telling her how to eat, we already had one person tell her that). Her theory is that when the good Lord is ready for her it don't much matter what she does, He will take her. I believe the same but I also believe in trying to keep as healthy as possible until that time comes. I am sure depending on my fathers health issues progress, there might be a nursing home in the future, its just when. thanks again.
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Your father is stubborn and your father is sick. Tough combination! The endocrinologist will suggest what is best for Mom at this point in her disease. (Sometimes there is trial-and-trial again to get the medications right.) Also seeing a CDE can be very valuable -- the endocrinologist probably works with one or two CDEs and can set that up for Mom. It will be especially important to have CDE support if she needs to go to an injected med.

Your dad's behavior sounds very common in certain types of dementia. Not only do they blame others for losing things, they often hide things themselves, forget that, and then blame others. Aggravating!! Dad probably hid Mom's medicine because he knows how important it is and he didn't want anyone stealing it (a kind of paranoia also common in dementia). His motive may have been to protect Mom but the outcome was to put her at risk.

Whether you can get an official diagnosis or not, I think it would help if you and Mom acknowledge that he has it, learn what you can about it, and deal accordingly. For example, maybe Mom should hide her meds!

My heart goes out to all three of you. Dementia always effects more than the person who has it.
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to Jeannegibbs= She is seeing a specialist for her diabetes. I have suggested for my mom to go for some group stuff so she can relieve her stress and she says no, she don't need to be bothered with that. My parents are from old school where they don't want to "air" their problems, so I am stuck in a hard place sometimes. I do my best but I hate for my mom to go on some new meds and then worry if she is going to have side effects. (dad moved her 2 mediciations one day) and she didn't tell me until 3 days later...........I guess she figured she would find them or they would turn up. My father is stubborn
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to Pstiegman - no my mother is not attempting suicide by sugar. My dad is on a depression med which keeps him calm, its just his instance on blaming her for losing things, he has the "sundowning" apparently because he is up to 2 or 3 in morning so of course she is staying awake (even while in bed) worrying what he is getting into or whatever. He hates doctors and getting him dressed and into car would be a chore in itself (with my help) to even get him to go along with her. And he won't probably remember what the doctor said anyhow. She is seeing an endocronologist that deals with diabetics, she stopped seeing her regular family doctor for diabetes.
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Stress can do a number on our blood sugar levels, that's for sure! Here is an article on the subject, including some strategies for managing stress:
http://www.diabetes.org/living-with-diabetes/parents-and-kids/everyday-life/managing-stress-and-diabetes.html

Mom has been living with this extrovert for a very long time, and it may not be his behavior so much that is stressful as it is worrying about what it means for his health. It IS stressful to have someone you love develop dementia -- I'll bet you are stressed about it, too.

Also, diabetes type 2 is a progressive disease. Even under ideal conditions with excellent management, it can get worse all on its own. It is possible that Mom would need a change of medications even if she weren't stressed.

The important thing is to manage the blood sugar levels. This may include managing stress, counseling, a change in diet, and/or a change in medications. Nobody wants to give themselves shots. But once you get used to it it is No Big Deal.

I strongly urge your mom (and maybe you could accompany her) to see a Certified Diabetes Educator. Insurance covers this. These professionals know far more about the day-to-day nitty-gritty of managing blood sugar levels than most doctors do. (Mom needs a doctor, too, obviously, but the CDE is a very practical and useful supplement to the doctor's treatment.)
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Could it be she is attempting suicide by sugar? Can you sneak some lorazepam into his coffee? Get him to go with her to the next MD visit, but give the doctor a heads up that you actually want HIM checked out. Tell dad straight out if he doesn't get help calming down, he will kill her if this continues. And if he kills her, there will be no one left to take his abuse.
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