My dad's acuity rate is pretty high. He knows when he doesn't remember and it frustrates him, but most of the time you wouldn't even know he has dementia unless you started a longer conversation. His falls while he was drinking has put him in a wheelchair, which he has gotten pretty good at moving around. He eats by himself, usually takes his own shower, dresses, although slowly, watches TV and reads the paper. He is in his 3rd living facility (the first one had a nurse that lectured him and threatened to "lock him up", the 2nd place was only a respite after rehab, where he ended up after falling at the first place. Finally found a place that he both could afford and that was nice, but now he's not happy because they want him to stay on property with his wheelchair. He's says he's not in jail, has done nothing wrong, and shouldn't be spied on. The ED called me and said they would have to put him in memory care because he was a risk to himself; I know that will crush him. He said it was not legal to jail him when he hasn't broken any law and refuses to consider that they might be caring for him rather than spying on him. I haven't been there for 2 days (this is the third) and he told me he always gets this way when he's not able to see me for a "long time". I am the only child who will deal with him. My brother said if I want to send him to Arizona he'll put him in memory care out there. I am still working and am really tired, warn out, exhausted. He lived with me for 10 years before going into assisted living, with me as his caregiver, for 10 years, but I couldn't give him enough and especially couldn't lift him off the floor when he fell from all his drinking. After he broke the 2nd bone, I listened to advice and got help. I also got him Aid and Attendance, so even though he has no money, most of the care is covered.
But now the biggie.... the ED told me they could shut her place down if something happened to him. He told me she had no right to stop him. I asked her if there was anyway to prevent locking him up and she said she would have the doctor make the decision. I cant get a hold of the doctor. Should I continue my work today or clear my calendar and go in (she was scheduled to come out and visit him)? I got so frustrated with his argument last night that I just told him "I have to go now". He has a 2 room apt, separate bedroom, a big tv hanging on the wall, a separate tv in his bedroom, an automatically reclining leather chair, a computer, 3 meals made, homebaked cookies daily, and his medicines given to him, some activities (the building is new, so they aren't real busy yet and the activity calendar is still evolving) but that's not what he is looking at and now amount of talk is getting him away from how bad things are. He isn't so much incompetent as stubborn. he's always been like this, but the family has always given in to him. That's probably why I'm the only one that will still deal with him.
He owns part of the house my hubby and I live in and he wants to come home. That means he wants me to take care of him again. I cant do I. Is there any way I can resign as his POA? Not that I am ready to do that, but I am at my wits end.