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I am a very isolated, quiet, young (late 20s) caregiver to my mom and once again I scared off another friend today. I usually don't let people in to my life, but I stupidly told a friend what was going on today and got that glazed over "how do I escape?" look. I have been supportive to this friend so I don't think I was asking for too much. This is the third friend I have scared away. What can I do to stop scaring friends away?

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Thank you, thank you, thank you for the answers! I really appreciate it! I'm feeling much better today and not so isolated.
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I want to offer a slightly different perspective. If you're feeling overwhelmed and sharing that, your friends may feel like your need is too great for them to handle. I'm not saying that's how you come across, but I've had that with friends.

Because of your age and the stress you've got to be feeling, it would be very wise for you to have a regular counselor, so that you can have that outlet to help cope with your situation. I've cut back on seeing/communicating with two friends because when I see them, I feel like the life is being drained out of me. I always have to listen to their work issues and I'm sick of it. I don't get to share my needs with them, because all of the space is taken up with their problems. Again, I'm not saying you're doing that, but make sure you're not taking up all of the space in the friendship with your problems. That's what a counselor can help you handle. Hugs to you - you're very young to be facing this issue!
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Sadly this seems to happen a lot these days. I don't know what these people fear, but I call them downright cowardly. A good friend does not turn tail and run when the going gets rough. The term for these people used to be "fair weather friends" those that only stick around when things are good for someone and then bolt when the person is down or needs friends the most. This seems to be more common in American culture. I think people have not been taught how to be kind and caring in our self oriented society in recent times. Many people are just too immature to handle adversity or so afraid it may happen to them that they run. Shame on these people. I don't expect anyone to clean my Mom's bottom or do anything like that....perhaps that is what they are afraid I might ask them to do.
Sometimes a small gesture of kindness is all that is needed....I have a neighbor that pops up at my door with a plate of cookies once in a great while...and her thoughtfulness is so deeply appreciated, another friend from out of town sends cheery cards to my Mom and I. These tiny gestures become huge acts of kindness to me. We just have to weed out the immature people that cannot handle things and seek out more compassionate people....they are precious few but they are out there.
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Heart999, my gosh your Mom must be quite young if you are only in your 20's. Curious what are her health issues that she requires your help? Do you work outside of the home, or is your day consumed with caring for your Mom?

Any chance of your Mom hiring a caregiver to come in to help out? That way you can go find employment so you can build your own future. You can still care for your Mom but from arms length, dealing with logistics instead.

If your Mom is on limited income, what about her moving to a continuing care facility for a while... see if she can qualify for Medicaid which will help her pay for her care.

I know what you mean about scaring away friends... I lost a few because they just couldn't relate to elder care, but I gained a new friend who is dealing with aging in-laws.
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I think it's hard when their health/care is such a big part of your life to put it aside. You want to,talk to get it out. I agree that you need to do things for yourself, get out, enjoy your age and talk about age appropriate topics. Even as I write this, I know Im talking to myself and trying to convince myself too. :/
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do you have any friends who have been through this already? Maybe some older friends? don;t count out the older ones who may have been there! I have 2 friends my age (older) and they have been a godsend.. but I also found out recently that a young man at my work has a father who has been diagnosed with younger onset ALZ.. and he and I have become a sort of Mother/son support group on our own! I am not taking his mother's place.. just offering advice and support, and it is good for both of us.
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Get out of the house, and talk about the weather instead. You need to go to work and build your own future, have a life of your own. Without that you become more isolated, not a good thing.
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