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So my dad had 5 strokes in 1 month, he finally came home a week ago as the Dr said he was doing good and knew how to do everything on his own, except he needed to learn his speech all over again, But what the Dr didn't tell me is that he was still messing his pants, I found out the next morning when I went to wake him up the next morning and had poop ALL OVER MY COUCH Now he knows when he's got to go, but he decides he wants to wait before going and by the time he gets to the bathroom I have poop clear down my hallway, then he goes in the bathroom and gets poop all over my carpet, I try to be as patient as possible and that's not easy for me to do, my dad is far from dumb right now he does everything except go to the bathroom when he needs too, Now I got poop and pee on the front seat of my brand new car because he didn't say he needed to use the bathroom, all n all I'm losing my patience I don't even have time to cry because of the stress, I have 5 kids all grown now and I didn't have this much of a problem with them, Any ideas as to how I can get him to quit doing this...

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Rainmom Thank you thats sounds like what I'm gonna have to do, I mean he's been home going on 2 weeks now and didn't have an accident for 5 days now all of a sudden boom pooping 3-4 X a day and I'm constantly washing clothes making him shower etc.. This is draining because hes so stubborn, I'm gonna try a little longer before I get an in home nurse to help because I have missed so many appts of my own to take care of him, Iean I don't mind one bit but it's exhausting and I give you my applaud because your going through the same thing and dealing with it, Thank you so much, I did just tell him he's gonna start going every hr or I get him a nurse and he don't want that he said so hopefully he does it my way 😥
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Cont. didn't mean to post yet!
So you go one hour after a meal and then back to the time intervals you were at. The theory is that the body adjusts and more or less leans to go on this schedule - it's mainly for pee accidents but works for poop too. It's not perfect by any means as a funky meal or an upset tummy can throw things off. But at a minimum this technique cuts down on accidents which is the primary objective, right? If you aren't around to prompt dad to go to the bathroom on schedule you might be able to set a timer on a watch or something similar to remind him. But - if you aren't there to remind dad to go on schedule he will need to be vested in the process - which could be an issue if the strokes have effected his judgement and/or reasoning. Still - just a suggestion if this problem continues.
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Irishwife - there is a technique in the disabled world called "Trip Training". You take the person to the bathroom on a strict schedule. Usually you start at something like every hour - sometimes they go, sometimes they don't. As they begin to consistently demonstrate they can go an hour without an accident you begin to add 1/2 hour incriments adding time only after a period of consistently accident free periods. You build up to roughly 3 hours. Adjustments have to be made for after meals - resetting the time frame
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Irishwife, depending on your Dad's mobility, maybe you need to do like what my Mom did regarding my Dad. Dad didn't want to wear Depends but he would have accidents because he just couldn't get to the bathroom in time. So there was Mom, in her 90's, on her hands and knees cleaning the rugs.

After a dozen times of this happening, Mom decided one day to hand Dad the carpet cleaner, the rags, and brush. He was now cleaning up his own messes. BINGO.... Dad started to use Depends and didn't wait until the last minute to get to the bathroom.

Thus, his mess, his clean-up. This may not work for everyone.
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Rainmom thank you, his reaction is he gets upset he knows he did it, but he also knows when he has to go and by the time he gets up to head down the hall he has already went in his pants, I mean he's almost the same guy he was before his stroke, before this he worked a full time job, worked on vehicles everything, you wouldn't think he was 69, But I did tell him I'm getting him depends, he said ok but he don't like the idea, and Pamstegma my dad isn't going to a nursing home because he's having issues going to the bathroom when needed, this man can read, write, bath and dress himself, feed himself etc a nursing home is never gonna be an option if he's doing all that, all I was wondering was how to get him to realize when to go to the bathroom before the accident happens.
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irishwife, there is no fix for incontinence. So get him to a nursing home. You tried your best, it is time for the nurses to take over.
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Obviously something is still "off" from the strokes. Talk to his doctor as soon as possible. In the mean time try to get your dad to wear disposable diapers like Depends. What is your fathers reaction after an accident? If it isn't in keeping with what you know his personality to be - anger, embarrassment etc. this can further help in determining what the root problem is. Is his reaction "normal"? Please, please try to show patience and compassion - I know first hand how frustrating and icky this can be, I have a 22yr old disabled son in Depends - but it's very unlikely your dad is doing this on purpose even if seems like he might be or it could be helped if he would just get going to the bathroom earlier or faster. Dads reasoning skills and judgement may be all out of wack because of the strokes - 5 strokes in such a short period surely had to have taken a toll - which is another reason why you need to talk to your dads doctors asap. Go to Costco or SAMs Club and buy some medical type gloves along with a mass of antibacterial cleaning wipes and baby wipes - if you don't have a hand held shower attachment, get one. I've found having the right tools to clean up the mess goes a long way in helping to keep the anger and frustration under control. Good luck - I know it's tough!
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Not to mention he will just sit there and do it until he's done, I love him very much but enough is enough
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