What can I do to stop my mum 87 years from butting in whilst people are talking to her and talks about herself?

Does your mom have dementia, or bipolar disorder, or is she narcissistic? Any known mental or cognitive problems? Even if nothing has been diagnosed, something is not quite right here.

I talk to someone who is bipolar and is it nearly impossible to get off the phone with him. I know this is fueled by his disorder and I know him to be a generous, thoughtful person in many respects but self-absorbed in others. He can't help this talkative trait, especially when he is agitated. (I was very surprised when I looked up his condition and discovered that many annoying traits were simply part of it. That helped me be more patient.)

BUT I can't spend limitless time on the phone with him. So after I've given him the time I can, I say, "I have to go in three minutes," and then in three minutes I say, "Sorry, I really have to run now. Call me tomorrow!" and hang up.

Stating that you have to go and hanging up is better, in my mind, than not staying in contact. This has been going on for years, and I doubt you are going to be able to change your mother. Change how you deal with it, to maintain your own sanity!

According to Adlerian Psychology, she wants more attention, there are four causes of all misbehavior in humans, older person being no exception: attention, power, revenge and learned helplessness. You can tell her goal by YOUR feelings. If you feel annoyed, her goal is attention. If you feel challenged, her goal is power and so forth. Usually behavior is part of a lifetime pattern, not something due to aging. You get stronger in your traits as you get older. 1. Goal of Attention: The Older Person: “I count only when I am being noticed or served. "The person feels she only belongs as long as the leader is prepared to pay attention to her. Attention seekers dread being ignored. Example: Interupts others, noisy during meetings, taps a pencil, sighs loudly. Always jumps into others’ conversations, hangs out in busy areas of a long term care facility looking for attention. Wears flamboyant clothes. Speaks in a loud or overly dramatic manner, even when it isn’t called for. You will feel: Annoyed; you’ll want to remind or coax others. Person: They will temporarily stop the behavior, when given positive attention. Soon, they will resume the behavior or begin a new attention-seeking behavior. Solution/response: Give them attention for positive behavior, when they aren’t expecting it. Never give attention on demand. Ignore attention-seeking behaviors.

Very common. Ring your own doorbell and say you gotta go. Be thankful she is popular, many oldsters are not. They are isolated by their own crankiness. The boys' reaction is also typical. My husband has actually put the phone down, walked away to get something, comes back on and she doesn't even know.

The key word in your message seems to be CONTROL. What can you do to stop your mother? Nothing. Abandon hope in that regard. :-)

The only control you have is over yourself and whether you allow yourself to be abused in this way.

Maybe abuse sounds like a strong word here, but essentially that's what it is -- you give your mother love, respect and tolerance and she takes unfair advantage. I'm not suggesting you stop, but meanwhile you can control the sneak theft of your precious time.

Blessings to all for a peaceful outcome.

I have a friend like this who will go on and on. She is really a sweet person, but it is hard to end conversations with her. So I start to end them and talk a minute or so longer, then say I really have to go. It is usually easier if I say for her to call me when she gets a chance. IOW, I'm not rejecting her, I just have to get off the phone.

Beautiful1, Please take the positive comments from this site and choose what will work in your situation. There are attention-getters everywhere, even on this site. As much as we want we can't change others behavior only how we react to it. Patience is surely a necessity as aging occurs. I know people that aren't older and don't live alone that I find it hard to get off the phone with. I'm sure there are many reasons for it including loneliness. Take care.

Have you OBSERVED her being popular with her friends or is that something she has told you? She might be hungry for your attention because she doesn't get enough interaction from the people around her, and too proud to say that out loud.

If she's just long winded and narcissistic, follow the precious advice and hang up after giving her fair warning. Set deadlines when you call, for example, "Hi! I just wanted to check in with you. I've got to leave for my ((name an appointment, real or fictional)) in 15 minutes. What's new with you today?"

not alway so simple.I for one would be telling lies everyday my mum is beautiful. BUT the world revolves around her. I am still working full time ring her often and spend a day every week with her i haven't got all the time in the world to sit on the phone as for my brothers it would be nice if mum would just ask them how there life is going. NOT all about me.But out of this I have learnt much thank god.

no she is not hungry for attention she demands it and will say anything to get it.. i just put my head down or look away.. people can see. thank you

gerojohnson. That insight into the psychology of attention seeking was very helpful. One learns something new everyday on this site.

Beautiful you have received good advice but I know it is difficult to break habits of a lifetime especially when it pertains to parents.
Setting boundies is about all you can do. When you call her set the timer for the amount of time you are prepared to spend with her and when it goes off say goodbye.