I am my mom-in-laws POA. She has dementia. Can I stop her daughter from visiting?

Dear LMDLLM: You have posed 3 questions in a row regarding your father's issues and not contributing to Maryrocha'a posted question. Please bundle your questions into a separate post that you can enter by clicking on the "Ask a Question" link located in the right hand column of the page. You will soon see it pop up under "Recent Community Activity" and then many of us will start focusing on your concerns as well. If you are new to this site, it can be tricky to navigate at first.

If the reason is a valid one & her visiting would be unsafe for your MIL, then by all means don't let her visit. Perhaps a compromise would be a very short, supervised visit. You were entrusted with the responsibility of ensuring the safety and well-being of your MIL, which by your question it appears you are taking very very seriously. Not an easy responsibility to uphold, given the circumstances. good luck! Your MIL is counting on you to do what is best for her.

My dad’s wife is seriously harming him in the nursing home but they say she isn’t. She is POA and MPOA and won’t let me see him. Why isn’t she in jail?

My dad is 82 and on dialysis. She is his MPOA and wants him off. He says he wants to live and she wants to end it for him. Can she do this?

I agree that if a short, supervised visit can be arranged, that might be the best thing. If the daughter is only interested in getting money for drugs, she won't be interested in a supervised visit where she isn't left alone with her father. If she genuinely wants to see him, she will come, if not, she won't.

I think KDCM1011's answer is very diplomatic. She is right-you are legally bound to protect the best interests of your MIL whether her daughter likes it or not. I am not sure about the accuracy of the NH advice that your have to get a court-ordered petition to supervise those visits, but most likely the NH has dealt with these issues before. If I were in your place, I would contact the lawyer who drew up the POA for you and proceed on the lawyer's advice. BTW, try not to leave any money (and definitely no jewelry with your MIL (the max I allow my Mom to keep on hand is 5 singles as she likes to use the vending machine for snacks). In your situation, if your Mom wants/needs money, the admin office can keep any money you want to give her in her own little 'bank account' at the facility. This way, her daughter cannot coerce her Mom into 'loaning' her any money.

Do check the law in your state because it possibly varies. POA's i dont believe have the power to withhold visitors per se unless there is a situation as you describe. I would follow the directive of the NH;l follow the directives of the NH if you want the power to keep certain individuals from psychologically harming the patient. Just do it!

I'm with those that say allow supervised visits, but not more. MIL needs you to protect her from this known financial predator. You might also try to get to know the daughter better during supervised visits and can better judge if she is a danger to MIL or not at this point. Good Luck!.

BTW...what does the M stand for in MPOA?

Dear LucyPhinn: My apologies if you were offended by my post addressing LMDLLM. 3 other people marked it as helpful, and the last sentence of the post clearly showed that it was intended to be supportive and not critical. I would not presume to be the 'boss of this site'. When we answer questions, we are supposed to stay on topic (site rules, not mine). It is true that in the course of our contributing comments we often share our experiences or pose questions in the same vein, that get answered along with the questions of the original poster. If we start posing completely different issues, advice can get scrambled very quickly, and then the original poster ends up short-changed. I hope I have clarified things for you.

I have my parent's POA, and from what I understand, you can get a restraining order, however I have also dealt with the problem of one of my brothers taking money from my parents, and my dad's (LORTAB) pain killers, however the doctor took my dad off of the (LORTAB) and started him on (TRAMADOL), which is non-narcotic, so this took care of that problem. My advice for stopping the money problem, and this was very difficult for me, because I realized that one of my mother's identities was her freedom to spend her money the way she wanted to spend it, but I had to take her check book from her. Personally I would like to know of an easier way to deal with these situations. It caused my brother to break free from the drugs, and left mom, and dad's bank account in the plus, and now this brother and I are closer than we have ever been. You could gain a sister by going this route. Your sister is sick, and this could be your chance to get her free from the drugs, and I know that it may seem like she is comparable to a leach, but that isn't her it's the drugs. The powers should be listed on your paperwork!