I am the youngest of four children. We're all middle-aged. For the past eight years, I've been caring for my elderly parents. Unfortunately, I went into this situation without a clear outline of my duties and financial responsibilities. My parents wished to stay in their home and asked me and my family (husband and 2 kids) to move in with them. My parents had been unable to keep up the maintenance on their house, and though I came over to help out each weekend, the house needed major renovations. So when I moved in, we all decided together to put my name on the deed so I could take out a loan to repair the house.
My father died of cancer a few years ago. I, my mother and my husband cared for him at home. My siblings did not visit or help. They did come for a memorial service, whereupon one sister threw a major tantrum about her "inheritance." She seemed to think that the house would go to her and not my mom. Ever since then, she has been obsessed with the house, alternately begging to move in with us and badmouthing me on Facebook. She portrays me as a freeloader, even though she's the one always borrowing money from our mother. She even has friends drive by the house to report back to her. I know she's going through a hard time, but she's managed to alienate all her siblings, and my mother doesn't want her here. This sister even received a $7K life insurance policy from my father that the rest of us didn't get, but she's already blown through the money.
What I worry about most is that after my mother dies, my mother's part of the house will be split among my other siblings, and I am sure this sister will drag me into court arguing about what she proclaims is an "unfair" split. She has already been involved in many lawsuits with other people. I would like to remove my name from the deed, so that it's not an issue, but I have over $100K invested in the house. I don't see any way out of this tangle other than to sell the house, which would mean moving my mother out of her own home.
After talking with my mother's pastor, I realized that this sister feels that I am the "favorite" child, and that she's been shortchanged (despite doing nothing for our parents). The pastor thinks that removing my name from the deed won't actually solve the problem. Even so, I want the strife over my mother's future estate to end. I don't even care about getting any money - I would be happy with nothing if that would stop my sister from causing me stress. I have repeatedly told her that my mother may need to sell the house anyway if she needs to go into care, but my sister doesn't listen to facts or reason. She's very difficult to communicate with, because she only talks about herself.
Be very cautious about changing the title on the house in anyway or recording a quit claim deed at this stage. At the age your mom is, and not knowing what's going to happen in the next few years, should she need to go on Medicaid within the next 5 years, you may have a snafu with the five-year look back.
I would keep your mother in her own home. With your sister, she sounds like she is all about the money and what she can get. Please know, with a person like this, there's no talking to them and she will only see her side of things. Please don't let this stress you out. Let things in GOD's hands. Let your mom in her house and keep doing things the way you have been. I can tell by your story that you are a good person with a kind soul. GOD will be the judge of your sister and GOD knows what you are doing for your mother as well as what you have done for your father. You are doing the right thing by taking care of your mom. Families will often see what they want to see and not what reality is. My family has done the same thing with me. Keep consulting with your pastor and keep turning to GOD, GOD will show you the way. GOD has done this for me thru praying to HIM and also consulting with my pastor. When you're not sure what to do, then don't do anything for the time being. GOD will show you the way. Trust HIM. Let HIM direct your paths. Keep talking to you pastor and also get into the WORD of GOD (The BIBLE). This helps me tremenously! GOD will give you peace and the grace to go on and to do what is needed. Just do all things in love. When your sister sees this, this could change her attitude and GOD is the only one who can change hearts and HE is the only one that can open your sister's eyes. Hoping all turns out well for you and your family. GOD bless you and your mother and your whole family!
I assume that first your father and then your mother left valid wills, which you, as their executor, saw to properly, yes? I'm assuming that because, as a competent business owner, no doubt you will have seen to it.
Your brother and sister can blame you and accuse you as much as they like. You know the truth of the matter. You can demonstrate the truth to anyone who cares to know it. Let them say what they like, it doesn't make any difference to reality.
I am surprised that the police chose to get involved, but the solution to that particular problem is to send your sister a copy of the death certificate. Granted, she should be perfectly capable of obtaining one herself, it takes very little initiative or cash to do so, but since she asks - why not? If it's because you suspect she will use it to submit a fraudulent claim, put your suspicions to one side: that isn't your business or your problem. Should anyone ask you to confirm her presence at the funeral, you will then have your opportunity to explain that she did not in fact attend - but don't anticipate this happening.
Emails: scan them when they arrive for any details you might actually want to know. If they're offensive, delete them. Treat them, in other words, as you treat all emails: we all get spam and junk that we'd rather not see, but it's easily dealt with.
Don't block the phone calls. Always answer the phone, or let it ring through to voicemail, as it suits you, as you normally would. If the caller becomes a nuisance or offensive, hang up. If the message is abusive, delete it.
If the harassment becomes serious or escalates, injunctions are an option. I assume, from what you say, that you would have no difficulty with the legal cost. If you do think it might come to that, make a record and then start keeping a complete, accurate and factual log of your siblings' behaviour: this will make it much easier for any court to understand what protection you require, and why.
The reason I feel confident that - if you stand your ground and continue to brush them aside - they will eventually get bored and go away is that they have had more than a year to get legally serious about any issues they perceive to exist, but they haven't done it. The sort of people who claim to have been kept away from their parents for TWENTY YEARS but did nothing about it are usually also the sort of people who mutter, grumble and rhubarb forever, to no effect. It's hot air. Open the window and ignore them.
My Dad, sister and brother took turns of taking care of my ailing single aunt for 10 years until she died just recently. My aunt entrusted all her money to mt father while she was still strong and healthy. And she gave her piece of land they gift to my sister who took care of her. Now other siblings if my aunt with the rest of cousins are running after the money and the land. Do they have rights to ask for their share?
People can sue for anything, that does not mean they will win.
Hopefully, the gift of land is well documented that it was payment for caregiving.