How do I stop my grandmother (88) who is living alone from lending money to her relative?

Your grandmother has the right to do as she pleases. But you clearly see this relative as taking advantage of her. There is a delicate balance here. Sometimes it is time for a call to Adult Protective Services. Sometimes it is time to act as agent under a Durable Power of Attorney. Sometimes it can be helpful to talk with the person (here, your grandmother) about limiting cash and checks in favor of a credit card from TrueLink Financial. This can be set up to limit the type and place of purchases and give ongoing reports to a designated person, whether the agent under a Durable Power of Attorney or a family member. If your grandmother walks out of the grocery or polyclinic with a card instead of cash or a checkbook, she might pay for this relative's groceries or his visit to the polyclinic but could not hand him cash or pay for jewelry for a masseuse.

Please do whatever you have to do to stop this relative. I have a brother like this and as long as the money is there, he will be there. When the money stops, he will be gone.

This guy is a dream compared to my brother. My brother, let's call him " preacher man" is a real man of God. My dad had a stroke in 2010 and my brother became POA for my parents. My dad wasn't out of rehab yet when preacher man began stealing his money. He took advantage of my mother in her weak state of mind. Preacher man went as far as writing new wills for my parents and having my folks sign them, they always trusted him, he was the preacher man. In these new wills he removed me his only sibling and put his grandkids as TOD to my folks accounts. The amount he was taking wouldn't have left much to transfer on death. He took over 100k the first year and about that much per year the following years. I would not have found out about any of this had he not died. Two days after his death , preacher mans son in law called my mom and asked her to make him POA and to put my brothers wife as beneficiary on my dads IRA. He told my mom he would protect her money from the Govt. What trash these kind of people are. I live beside my folks and have cared for them for the past 30 years, and a few years ago when mom got scammed , I suggested to my brother that I be POA as I lived close by and he lived on other side of the country. I was told by preacher man that my folks don't trust me. When I started to find out what extent my brother was stewing my folks . I moved their finances from Morgan Stanley to Edward Jones. At this point my brothers wife called APS on me for financial abuse. Can you believe the gall? After investigation from APS, my name was cleared , investigator said it was unsubstantiated . The LOVE of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Even for the preacher man. My Brother stole close to 500k. Over a six year period, this whole experience has left very bad memories of my brother and his family will not talk to me. My folks are in their high 80's and are doing ok in their own home because my wife and I see that their needs are met. My brother and his family see no need to help in anyway. I just pray that preacher man didn't do these evil deeds with a clear conscience. Take care , love your grandmother, God sees everything and He knows who is taking care of grandma.

What relation is this low-life to your grandmother? And have you approached him to ask him to stop taking money from her?

This is a form of elderly abuse, please contact APS. also you need to get durable power of attorney in order to become payee of her ss check, that way you will be in charge of her money.

wvavet - I was curious as well ...Just looked it up ... it appears that an HDB Maisonette is a foreign term for a high end apartment suite in a condo or apartment building, what I viewed was in Asia and were in Singapore. Likely of French colonial origin.

Just to remind y'all: Power of attorney (POA) does not give the agent control of or "power over" the grantor of the POA. The POA can act only in accordance with the grantor's wishes and best interest. If you get Gramma to give you her POA, that doesn't stop her from handing money out however she wants.
Call Adult Protective Services, your local Agency on Aging, or law enforcement when someone is being abused like this.

Thanks Anny!

I am in the same situation with my brother and my Mother. He is hunting the elusive "million dollar job" in sales and is about $10,000 in, owing her. His answer is "once he gets a good job he will pay the money back in no time". In the meantime, he is staying in hotels, etc., totally on her dime. I do have a durable POA but I'm not even sure how to use it to stop this abuse. I have threatened him with the police, but to no avail. Please, does anyone have any advise, legal or otherwise?

You can definitely try to become POA (Power of Attorney) and handle her finances. A lot of people do that now but she has to be a willing participant and give you permission to be POA.