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My mother has to have everything done for her. She weighs only about 70 pounds. We feed her with a dropper and only liquids. She is in hospice and had previously left a living will with DNR. Since she is incoherent should we stop feeding her? She doesn't eat much and many times refuses food but not always. Are we going against her wishes by continuing to feed her? Is it legal should we decide to stop? Medical personnel are rather surprised she is still alive but we take very good care of her. What is appropriate?

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I think you may be asking if you might be accused of neglect if you stop helping her eat and drink what she can, and might be accused of assault if you are seen as forcing it on her. You may want to let someone observe what you are doing for her and let them know Mom indicated she never wanted any tube feeding. I'd tend to vote for giving her whatever small amounts of whatever she seems to like.
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A little food here and there is not going to unnecessarily prolong her time. There are so few pleasant things when dealing with hospice. My mother had not been eating well for a long time, so I made a "game" of bringing in different things that I had known her to like as well as some new things. She left this life with a smile having polished off a styro cup of chocolate ice cream that my brother and I had taken turns feeding her with a teaspon. Food can be something to experience, enjoy and share if you want it to be.
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My mother has been in a nursing home for 16 months. she has lost about 35 lbs and she wasn't large to begin with. She eats only when she gets hungry and that is seldom. We have tried to get her to eat. I think that some people who are either in a nursing home or rehab tend to lose weight. But some for some reason just won't eat. Lucky if mom eats a bite at each meal. She will occasionaly drink an Insure (if she is told it is a milkshake) The staff is worried but they said that they can not force her to eat. Mom also has Alshiemers. And although they haven't told us we believe that she has to be close to the end. She also has to be told everything to do. If someone doesn't come to get her she will sit in the dining room til they take her elsewhere. She doesn't even know most of the time that she has to go to the bathroom and will either hold it in or go in her diaper and not realize it. I think it is just the disease and their isn't much you can do.. I figure if you keep trying to feed her. maybe even giving her baby food in the dropper. personally I would try until the end.
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Good morning sockpuppet..I'm sure every case is different but have you been in touch with hospice?? If not please consider them to help you and your family.
They were a blessing for our family in the final days of my dads life. Feeding became up to my father in the end. We gave him nutrition drink's and if he drank a sip that was plenty. Why fight a fight that you can't win. My dad was approximately 74 pds when he passed. We kept chocolate covered cherries, which he loved and we shared one his last night. This is my fondest
memory of him with me. Don't feel guilty if she refuses to eat. Her body is slowly shutting down and I'm saddened for you having to watch this play out. Please reach out this morning and make that phone call. God Bless...
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I would simply go with the flow with your mom and continue to at least offer liquids, but yes, I would at least talk to the doctor.
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They were vague. But maybe I should consult with the physician perhaps
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Are you discussing this with the hospice staff? They have a lot of experience and can explain your options and the consequences. That is one of the huge benefits of hospice care.
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