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I sent a question in earlier about me being the only caregiver to my 85 and 89 yr old parents. I can't get them to let me hire a caregiver to help me take care of them. As the days go by my work intensifies and I am getting really tired. I can't leave for more than an hour at a time. My problem now is that my dad has become increasingly frustrated at my mom, he tells her she can walk when she can't. He'll tell her to sit in her chair and when she does try to walk he either gets mad at her for risking falling. He's just not being nice at all. How do I get him to stop treating and talking to her so badly? I know he's frustrated b/c he can't do anything to help b/c he's in a chair. She's going for a wheelchair assessment in a couple weeks, but until then I'm afraid he's just losing patience.

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It sounds to me that your parents need to be in a professional care situation. You can't do this alone. Your dad's frustration is understandable but not good for your mom (or you). You can't control how he acts. Do they both qualify for nursing home care? Or does one qualify and the other qualify for in-home care?

The situation as it is can't continue if for no other reason than it will take your health down along with theirs.

Please keep looking for outside help and let us know how you are doing.
Carol
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This is just so terribly sad. I see from your profile your mom has dementia/Alzheimers. If your dad is cognitively good, he probably just can't accept the changes in your mom (and her brain). You could try to educate him (help him watch Teepa Snow videos on Youtubedotcom), but at this point, I'm not sure if that will be enough. I think you need more help and possibly to separate your folks for your mom's benefit. She's going to have enough difficulty with her brain changes, having a husband who is barking at her won't help. And if he's also in a wheelchair, that's WAAAAAY too much for you to handle by yourself. One third of caregivers die before their loved ones they're caring for because of the stress. Don't let that happen to you!
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Like Carol said, you can't force your dad to be more patient. Have you tried to talk to him about it?

It sounds like you may need to start looking for alternative living arrangements for your parents.
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Talk to their doctor(s). I think it is time to reassess the living and care arrangements. No matter what they "won't let" happen, this does not sound like a do-it-yourself situation.
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Our parents look at us as the kids, but as the doctor as an authority figure. While they may not be listening to you telling them things need to change, more than likely they will listen to this from their doctor.
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Daughter58, you need to start your own thread. Copy what you wrote above and start it as a new question and you'll get some good answers.
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I have beenan LPN for 22years and it really hurts more when you take care of your parent,especially one that never expected me to be the one that would make something herself,even though I loved school! Well my situation is that I am the caregiver of my mother,she manipulates at time and I know it,when Im not around she can do everything,and when I am home she acts like she cant go to the bathroom,but at night she goes by herself,The problem is that I need a break at times,I take care of her full time,she feeds herself,can partially dress herself,can watch tv and guess all the answers to the game shows,Her Ct scan showed that she does not hav Alzheimers and doesn't have dementia,but her slight confusion comes from her small brain,her doctor said she is just being manipulative because her favorite my brother(its just two of us) wont come from the other city that he lives in and take care of her,Hes married and has a family,she drove him crazy in one year Is there any adult care services that are available with Medicare/Medicaid that I wont have to pay,I work every other weekend in my field,but I would love to get out and socialize at times,and visit my grandchildren(something she cares nothing about) Thanking you in advance
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