He wants me to pay the bills but he wants to have control. He has squandered his money, doesn't pay his bill, gambles online, purchases big items and borrows money from family members. He is very combative when approached.
Your control kicks in when he has been determined to be "incapacitated" or "incompetent". You start by talking to his doctor, make a list of the events where he has done these things and the MD may send him for dementia tests. Usually these tests are done with a neurologist or psychiatrist. If they provide a written report substantiating he is incompetent, you are in charge. If they tell you he is disagreeable but competent, your hands are tied. Your other option is to petition the court for Guardianship. Again, he is examined. Based on that written report, a Judge will declare him competent or incompetent. Personally, I would start by talking to the MD.
I haven't started to look at his finances yet, but know he has gone through a lot of money and doesn't have anything left. He is supposed to let me get my name on his banking account and start looking at his bills, but I am afraid to find out what is in store for me. I know he has nothing left and is still spending. The doctor knows he has dementia, but doesn't realize the spending problem. I will see if my sister's and I can set up an appointment and discuss all of his problems.
Vegas, my question exactly. Who is the trustee of the trust. I assume it is him with a successor should he become incapacitated. Are you the successor trustee? POA and trustee are very different positions. Do not take over anything in the trust without knowing under what conditions the trustee passes to the successor.
The POA document itself might be of some help. If it is plain vanilla POA then when your parent is no longer capable of rescinding the POA, the POA is no longer in effect; but if it is a DPOA then it remains in effect; and if it is a "swinging" POA it does not come into effect UNTIL your parent is incapacitated. You need to find the original document and go from there.
Usually these tests are done with a neurologist or psychiatrist. If they provide a written report substantiating he is incompetent, you are in charge. If they tell you he is disagreeable but competent, your hands are tied. Your other option is to petition the court for Guardianship. Again, he is examined. Based on that written report, a Judge will declare him competent or incompetent.
Personally, I would start by talking to the MD.
You need to find the original document and go from there.