How do I stop being sad about placing my Mom in a nursing home?

GardenArtist thank you for your wise words. You really made sense when you said that emotionally it may be better but physically it would not. I remember looking at my mom the day we were talking with the nursing home placement and they asked us if she would be staying. I wanted her to say "no, take me home" but she just sat there quietly in her wheelchair. My sister answered "yes she will be staying". I knew it was best but it broke my heart. I wanted to take her home with me....without any idea how I would care for her. Plus my husband would have never agreed.

My mother, 95, has been in a nursing home for 16 months. She has generally been very content. Today we wanted to leave with me when I visited. I broke my heart (again).

But what I continue to sad about is that she needs to be in a nursing home -- not that we put her there. It is very sad to see a parent become a dependent. Her confusion is increasing. That is sad for all of us. At least her pain level is under control.

Yes, watching a parent decline is sad, sad, sad. I don't know how you can keep it from getting to you once in a while. I feel no guilt or regret about placing her. It had to be done. But it is sad that it had to be done.

At the time you made your decision, did you think it was the best thing you could do for your mother? If so, that's the best justification you could have.

Unfortunately, sadness, regret and guilt can often accompany placing a parent in a facility. It's a difficult choice, but the bottom line and guiding factor is a balance between what's best for the parent and good for the caregiver. It might have been better for her emotionally to keep her at home, but could you have cared for her physically and medically? If not, then the placement is the better choice.

Ask yourself if you would be able to give her the same level of care she gets in the nursing home. She is also around other people and can take part in activities. I Would love to get my folks in care and out of their rundown little house. Don't be so hard on yourself. Check out all the questions from desperate people on this site asking, "Please help! How can I convince mom to move to a nursing home".

my mum has been in a nursing home for 7months now. i could no longer cope with the constant falls, wandering, she needed what i could never give her 24/7 care. she is visited every day which we did everyday when she was at home, just lately i had a dvd made with my mum as a young woman, my late dad & all the family when we were young up until now, these were all done with photographs from the past and present, her favourite songs playing in the background, although her dementia is worsening it is worthwhile seeing her eyes light up when this is playing.she forgets 10 mins later it has been played so each day i go up and play it again. not 1 of us think about our mum having to go into a nursing home, we question ourselves could we have done more? they looked after us as kids why cant we do the same? my mothers health failed her a nursing home was our only option, of course it is sad, sometimes on a bad visit its heartbreaking, go over old photos with her, play her favourite songs, let her know she is loved everyday, never let her see you are sad..at the endof the day she is being cared for 24/7 allways remember she is in a safe place.