I have known for at least two years that there was "something wrong with mom". I saw so many signs that were just not evident to anyone else. It seemed like she was remembering details of the past, but could not retain any new information. Had a terrible time with details and organizational skills. It took me a long time to convince my brothers who both live out state (no other family) that there was any issue because in social situations and public arenas she seemed fine. That is still the case now. The difference is that people dont know the level of intervention and management it takes to sustain her living "indepenently" in the huge 5 bedroom home we grew up in. People dont know that I pay all the bills, do most of the grocery shopping, manage all her medical issues, meds etc. and do all of it with a great deal of resentment from her. From her perspective and the outside world it all looks great!! No one knows what it took to get her out. They dont know that she bareley leaves one room in her house and has to be reminded to shower. She stays in her pJs all day. I know she is severely depressed and have tried everything under the sun to help her improve her outlook and mood. Senior groups, assisted living, moving in with me... you name it. She refuses stomping her feet that she will die in her home.
My children are in college, and I am a teacher so my schedule allows me to visit her every afternoon. Somedays I can barely stand it. My whole body becomes tense and my anxiety level goes through the roof. No matter what I do to try to help her or improve the situation , there is no change. I feel so incredibly hopeless.I hired an aide to visit with her 3 hour per day to give her social stimulation and be sure she takes her medications. The anger, guilt and resentment I feel is consuming me.
I have taken her to every type of doctor under the sun. Next week we will see her geriatric doctor who will shre the results of the neuropsych report. Her diagnosis is early stage Alziemers and Clinical Depression. The plan is to increase her antidepression meds and add Namdea??? (sp) for the ALZ D. I am so angry and afraid. Her refusal to cooperate is maddening. Example... wear the safety alert pendent, exercise, even if its walking around the house, eat a well balanced diet. (Anything healthy I buy for her eventually rots because she will not eat it)
She seems me at the demon. The controllong B*&ch who wants to order her around.Our relationship has deteriorated and it is hard to spend even an hour together. I have gone to therapy. I know that I am the only one who can change... but I am angry that she will not participate in ANY small way to help herself. As I said the anger at her for that consmues me.......