Hi everyone. I am still sad about Mom’s declining physical and mental health but she is driving me to insanity. I am writing this message at 2:00 a.m. She just called from her AL apartment to claim she is being abused. I called the aides station and they told me she just came out to ask for Tylenol. I am a patient, loving son who has done a great deal over the past few years to help Mom but she is becoming unmanageable. We have an appointment today with her PCP and another appointment Friday with a neurologist. I think maybe we should just take the mobile phone and unplug the Captel phone in the night hours. I’m rambling now because I’m tired and worried about who else she is calling. If anyone can please offer some advice I would appreciate it. Thank you.
Between FIL calling all of us all hours of the day and night(blissfully - he managed to delete his entire contact list his second day in the SNF and I only added us back - should have left us off too) we were blessed that he couldn't just call over 100+ people - some of which he had just added on a whim. Prior to that he did this once a month thing - where he went through his entire contact list - including the realtor who wanted to buy his house, the guy who REAR-ENDED HIM ON THE INTERSTATE, the neighbor who moved out of state, a few random waitresses from his favorite restaurant, his LOAN OFFICER! Just to name a few. But between him and his roommate -who liked to call 911...and fun fact - any time a resident at a SNF calls 911...they HAVE to respond. Even if they KNOW it is a false alarm. They HAVE to check.
So the roommate got his phone taken away after like his 3rd day there. And started using FIL's phone. We got an earful for that one. And thankfully they moved FIL away from the guy.
But cell phones can be the absolute DEVIL in a residential facility once a person develops memory problems or dementia. Because they turn into weapons.
Calling you at 2am proclaiming that she's being abused because they didn't get the Tylenol fast enough for her kind of goes beyond the common ingrate, entitled behavior that so many of today's seniors have. It sounds more like dementia.
In the meantime you should block her calls at certain times like when you're asleep or at work. The facility will contact you if there is a need to.
Being sad about decline is one thing. Us getting annoyed or driven to insanity needs to be fixed.
Ignore it.
She's now in LTC and doing well. We installed a landline phone with buttons that have our pictures on them so she'd just have to press them... but she doesn't even think to use it.
My 94-yr old Mom is starting to forget how to use her flip phone. My cousin with ALZ couldn't keep her contacts straight in her smart phone. My long-time friend (now 81) is starting to call people and have obsessive rants about paranoid things. Or calls then thinks I called her. It's the early stage of dementia. It's very hard. Everything about dementia is hard. May you receive peace in your heart on this journey.
If you think she is calling others then maybe the safest thing would be to "unplug" the phone so that is will not work. And the cell phone drop the service then she can not make calls. HOWEVER she could still call 911 so if that would be a concern taking the phone for "repairs" would be the thing to do.
I also think transitioning her to Memory Care would be something you would want to consider. In AL she can leave at anytime and may wander off.
They will call you if there is a real emergency.
Honestly, it sounds like she needs to be in memory care.
Many start calling 911, now that's something you do not want to get involved with.
Good Luck, get some rest!