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Mom is 93, not what you would consider incompetent, but is being financially abused, even with DPOA for finances & heath care in place. Also a Representative Payee is in place. Finances are not allowing for the cost of guardianship, and by rights that should not be necessary. Any money she gets to purchase things she wants for herself monthly, mom has to lie to one of my siblings she has no money, but eventually this no longer works and her money is in their hands. She expresses many times it was quiet on the home front. I am not being yelled at or bothered for money today. Social Security proved sibling was misusing her funds, but the drama still continues. Any suggestions on what can be done to stop this issue. She does live with another son, who is not the problem, but soon as he is gone that is when the other sibling comes around. The sibling that lives with mom has a job and the schedule is a set one. I only live 45 minutes away, but I cannot be there 24/7 either. Anyone have suggestions.

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You have reported assault to the police and adult protective services and there is no response?

Have you contacted your local elected officials to report non response? What kind of report have you made to police?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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If the family won't push for a prosecution -

assault on your brother
harassment of your mother
Social Security fraud
you presumably have records to prove all of these *crimes* -

and your mother won't assist the police, then I can only suggest you wind up her household, move her into a facility and let the resident brother set up his own home elsewhere.

Basically, you have either to confront the culprit brother and get him to stop, or to get your mother to a place of safety. Whoever has DPOA for health care needs to get one of those things done as soon as possible.

By the way - POA has absolutely nothing to do with birth order or anything like it. And nobody can feel a sense of entitlement to rob his mother. I really hope that together you can put a stop to his cruel nonsense.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Can I say that I am sorry that your mom and the sib that lives with her are going through this. This is a very hard and tricky situation.

My brother was doing the same thing it was a year before I knew what was going on and as much as my mother protest against the actions I took at the time; she now lives in peace. Yes my brother calls for money but now she doesn't have to answer the phone, and when he blows up at her on the phone I have gotten her to hang up on him. Of course my BF and I live with her so this has made it easier to stop my brother from coming over and demanding money and from stealing from her.

You problem sib is causing abuse and bring trouble to himself. This is what I did and am not sure if it will help!

Your problem sib is not playing by the rules of the game; therefore, remove him from the game!

If problem sib have keys to the house change the locks to the house. Your mom and your sib that lives with her need to come together and confront the problem sib that he/she is no longer welcome to come to the house any more. You should also be there for back up support. When your live in sib goes to work have mom not answer the door. Put in place what a few others here have stated here. This is a hard road to go down, but it is necessary! If your sib who lives there gets hit he or she needs to file a police report and get a ppo! Believe me no one will come and help her. I have been down that road. And yes my mother still wants to help my brother out but I put up road blocks because she doesn't know what she is doing half the time. Your mom has a right to live in safety as well as your other sib. I have even install a driveway alarm if cost 10 bucks but it lets me know someone is walking up the driveway.

But I must warn you your problem sib will get worst but in enough time he will get the point. If need be pay someone to sit with mom through this very trying time.

Do whatever you have to do to protect mom! Don't count on someone to come save the day...it doesn't happen! I am sorry to say! I just took matters in my own hand with common sense. My brother doesn't come around anymore! Be strong and the two of you can out smart the problem sib!


Good Luck!
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Reply to Shell38314
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Speak to elder law attorney. They may be able to file do not contact / restraining order. Elder abuse. Does your brother have the ability to install something like a ring type doorbell that will show a video of who is there? What about wireless security cameras on the outside of the house. Can be use for proof of contact/ trespassing on property. Block his phone #, change moms#? Brother should have pressed charges for assault. Is brother over 50? In some states thats the magic number to add elder abuse making it a greater charge. Check with your local senior center, they have a wealth of knowledge and experience with issues good and bad, they may be able to steer you in the right direction
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Reply to Takincare
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countrymouse
I believe he is doing these things as he feels entitlement. There are 4 siblings. Usually POA and such goes down the line of succession. He is last in line, but he carries her last name from the second marriage after father died. He uses that to convey he is the only living heir. Oversteps the POA's to do what he wants. She don't have much, raising 6 kids on her own after his father was abusive to her other children.
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Reply to thingsarecrazy8
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Dautherof1930 To my knowledge there is no substance abuse, but what goes on behind closed doors at his home is something I don't know.
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Daughterof1930 Jan 22, 2019
My apologies for completely underestimating the problem. As you’ve answered more it’s easier to see the full scope of the problem. Would it be possible to have everything of value removed from the home and placed elsewhere, and to have the locks rekeyed so sibling can’t get in unless let in? Your mom and brother deserve a way out of this abuse. Sounds like she knows it’s abuse but doesn’t know how to fully admit it or change it on her own.
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we have reported to APS and also to the police. They are doing nothing to help. She is living in fear and is almost like a Stockholm syndrome. The sibling that lives with her has intervened a couple of times and the sibling who is problematic has beaten the crap out of him when Mom was not around. He lives in fear, and refuses to report again. We have sent police out to the sibling that is causing problems, but he continues there are 15 reports. They only made 2 visits. APS came out and said everything seems fine and it is a civil matter. It has been going on for 2 + years now. We are at wits end, especially since the person who is being abused doesn't realize and protects the one that is causing problems. But she is smart enough to know she doesn't want him handling her money. She has started to hide thing including her phone, money, jewelry as things have become missing. We have had Cameras set up, but he has destroyed them as when she is at an appointment, he has a key to her place and will go through her stuff. It is horrible to be living through this. I can only imagine being the elder who is dealing with this each and every day.
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Reply to thingsarecrazy8
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Your sibling is abusing your mother and needs to be dealt with very directly. If the police will visit, have them, they may intimidate this sibling or help your mom with saying no. Have you and the son she lives with told the sibling that it has to end? Is there a substance abuse problem driving this?
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Any chance mom could spend the day at the senior's centre or adult day care so she isn't available to your sib?
Or how about going the tech route and installing a nanny cam or even better something like Echo so you can monitor things remotely?
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Reply to cwillie
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So there is one child who waits until your mother is alone in her home, then turns up and demands money from her?

Um, why would you not report this to the police? I assume you've already tried to confront the culprit yourself, have you?

The thing is, this is not financial abuse. This is intimidation and harassment at least, arguably verging on assault. Why is the culprit doing it?
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