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I was the oldest in the sibling group. I had all the responsibility from a young age. After my father's stroke, I had to organize a lot of his care. All his day to day needs I had to take care of. One sibling lived out of town. Others had their own families and careers to worry about. One tried to help, but I never thought it was enough. The months leading up to my dad's death, there was a lot of anger and arguments about moving my dad to a nursing home. But he didn't want to go and I wanted to honor that. I felt so alone. And angry that my siblings did not give my father more time. Maybe it wasn't a reasonable expectation on my part. How do I move on? Nothing will bring my father back. But yet I still want to have a relationship with them. Yet I struggle to let go of the bitterness and anger.

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Dear Friends,

Thank you for your kind replies. I sincerely appreciate all the good advice and support. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I seem to always take one step forward and two steps back. I know I need to use kinder and gentler language with myself right now. But some days it seems the anger takes a hold of me and I can't let it go. But I will keep trying. Hugs to all.
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Dear Cdn, I had many frustrating times during my Mom's final illness. I was expressing them to another woman one day and she said " Take a deep breath! Your Mom will leave this earth as we all do. She will be gone but a part of her, your siblings will still be here. They will be your family, don't alienate yourself from them' .
Separately, I have since observed (I am on my 4th caregiving assignment!!) that not everyone has the skill to be a caregiver. Those of us that do have it, initially think everyone has those skills and are avoiding using them. NOT SO! Just as I could never be an engineer or a doctor, or a police officer, most in my family just had no idea of how to offer comfort, help with the daily activities of living or deal with facilities or medical professionals.
You do need time to grieve, but make an effort to let go of the anger, it will only slow down your healing process. I am so sorry about your Dad, time will help.
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cdnreader, I echo what Johnjoe says: "Give yourself time to heal."

Your father would have died even if your family had pitched in. Even if you were an only child. No one caused your dear father's death, except the disease. You may be disappointed that they didn't help more. You may even be angry with them. But separate that out from your genuine mourning for your father. The bitterness and anger might be getting in the way of processing your grief.

Four months isn't really enough time to be healed and moving forward. It may help if you see a counselor to explore some of your intense feelings.
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Cndreader I am sorry for Your great Loss, but remember You were wonderful to Your Dad and You did every thing You could to make Life as comfortable while You Cared for Your Dad.
Moving on will take time, and You will heal. If You can go away for a few days to the ocean on Your own and walk while inhaling the beautiful salt air into Your Lungs, and Listen to the sounds of the ocean, it will have a very calming effect on You. Remember cdnreader You were great to Care for Your Dad, now You must Care for You. Give Yourself time to heal.
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