I have an elderly relative, he has no children so we are his caregivers, who lives 6 hours away. He would be considered mentally competent and has had a variety of caregivers since his wife died a few years ago.
In March he hired a woman who had recently left rehab and had an arrest record. He is an ex-psychologist so the idea of rehabilitating her was attractive but the deal was no drugs or alcohol. In June, he told my husband that he didn't know if he could support a fiance and her adult children. Now they have set a date for the wedding - she is 47 years old and he is 81 and on a walker.
She was arrested last week for drunk and disorderly. He tells everyone he doesn't know if he should marry her and she needs to go when she's not around. But, when she's there all conversations have to be on speaker phone and he's totally in love.
He can barely walk and she took him down an escalator a few weeks ago. Shockingly, he fell down it.
No one is allowed to stop by unannounced and, if they do, they can't go in the house. We went to see him last month and she now has control of his finances and convinced him that his previous bookkeeper embezzled money from him. It was the first thing he told us when we walked in the door.
Lots of behavioral changes, from saying something and then denying it to forgetting or ignoring his favorite sporting events.
My husband, a close friend of our relative and I are very concerned, especially since she has an arrest history and is known in the community for doing this to other men. She also has no way to support herself if he throws her out. She doesn't have a house, car and that is part of the original reason he took her in. Legally it all changes if they get married and we are trying to divert this disaster.
Does anyone know what steps we should take? He lives in North Carolina and we live in Virginia.