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I guess you could say a funeral is a big send off. But with fighting relatives i don't know what kind of service is best. How do you know what you can handle during that time. I can't handle much right now. But I don't want to cheat dad because he may end up having lots of people that worked for him and with him come. I don't know.
He knows where he wants to be buried, does the funeral service contact them or do i call them? I dont know where to start, but i need too soon.

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I'm not sure if you have a budget for the funeral costs or not, but if so, I would read some articles online about FUNERAL HOME EXPENSES and just what you are not freely told when making arrangements. There are a lot of things that you don't have to purchase and things they bill for hundreds of dollars add up. These articles will tell you what is really required and offers some good tips. IT could save you thousands of dollars. You can make all your arrangements in advance, though I wouldn't pay in advance, because they could go out of business.

If you are in charge, I would ignore the fighting relatives and let the chips fall where they may. Make the arrangements and do not allow them to interfere. A firm response from the funeral home will take care of any trouble makers.

Most will prepare and display a lovely video of photographs during the visitation and/or viewing. I would go ahead and pick them out.

In the south, it has become common to have the visitation about an hour before the funeral and have them in the same location. That way people don't have to make two trips.

I would try to honor your dad's wishes for the funeral. Some people having their requests in their Living Will.
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Always remember that you can great a lot of people, in 3 hours time during visitation. The funeral itself can be short and concise.
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Setup a phone tree. You can't and won't want to repeat this conversation 85 times as if it's the first time, every time. It's very exhausting. Halfway through you're going to want to get it over with and be quick about it, while the person you're talking to is hearing it all fresh and won't want to get off the phone. It will be easier on YOU if other people can do the calling around.
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Wow, you ladies have given me alot of great steps and i sooo appreciate it!
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Funeral directors do this all the time and will help guide you through each of the steps. Good ones will even remind you if there was something you needed to do but forgot it.

First step then is really to decide if you want a funeral at a funeral home or church, then go from here.

I would discuss with the funeral home director the fact that there are conflicts among the family members, and ask how he/she would handle it. If there's a possibility of violence, make that fact known in case police have to be called (it has happened from reports I've heard).

To save yourself time, make lists now of who to notify, with e-mail addresses, phone numbers, etc. Notify most by e-mail; it's quicker. The feuding family members can get a separate e-mail that makes it clear the friction will not be tolerated and disruptive members will be asked to leave the proceedings. That doesn't guarantee problems won't arise, but at least they're on notice.

Have your calling list prepared ahead of time, and limit the calls as many people will want to know all the details of the illness, etc. You can always tell them you'll discuss it with them but right now your priority is notifying everyone who might come.

You can also start working on an obituary so it's already prepared, assuming you want to have one published in the local paper, and/or a paper of your parent's home town or other area where your family might have lived.

Go to a florist shop and look at the bouquets to decide what you'd like for the casket (if you're having a burial). That's less time to spend once it happens.

If you have time, collect photos for the poster boards; write up anecdotes, etc. for the primary speaker - anything you can do now will help as time will seem accelerated once it happens.

I wish you peace as you prepare yourself for this event.

I would start working on selecting a funeral home now and begin the preparations.
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I'd ask the cemetery AND the funeral director you've chosen how best to purchase the burial plot. Once you own it, the funeral home will take care of everything to your specifications.
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If going with a religious ceremony stop at church, they usually have a form to fill out with instructions. Pick out music, readings, etc.
Clothes for dad including underwear.

Some funeral homes with do a video, pictures, etc so have some good pictures of dad. They will also need a picture to see how dad wore his hair.

If doing a booklet for service, the church can usually give you examples of that.

Cremation or burial? Pick out a plot at cemetary, decide if you want a place for another person in this plot also.

Last thing I can think of is if you want the service done all in one day or one night and next morning.

Some people also make poster boards with pictures of dads life for funeral home.

Who is giving the eulogy? Have family members put down some memories so the one writing it can incorporate all family memories.

Good luck
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Take time to visit a funeral home. An appointment helps. Tell them you may be needing services soon and don't know where to start. They will guide you through the entire process. Caskets/cremation? Religious services? Length of visitation? Newspaper publications? Flowers? Repast? There are many elements. Some based on preference and others tradition in your area.

I was POA and health care proxy for my Mom. My brother was Executor. I (literally) dragged him to the funeral home about 2 months before my Mom passed. She had prepaid her funeral and selected her casket, etc 15 years prior to her final illness. Wow, that sounds perfect, right? Well it still took 2 visits and 2 days to arrange after she passed and there were 4 kids working on it (without conflict).

As to the fighting relatives, the executor is in charge. I can't say I agreed with everything that was done, but at that point I didn't care. I had taken care of my Mom to the best of my ability while she was alive. If I didn't like the flowers or a song, what difference did it make!

A word of caution. Funeral charges vary and are negotiable! Don't be afraid to quibble on the price. If there isn't a burial location, you will be instructed to choose that, preferably ahead of time.
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