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my father has dysphasia and has been living in a nursing home for over two years..he's 96 years old.his stroke was caused by a fall while he was half asleep at 3am.his mind is fully in tact.he has been asking to come back home.we've talked many times during visits about playing cards,watching tv and doing the things we used to as family and he's thrilled to know we're trying to get him home.this was august 2012..since then we have been given the run around by the nursing home.for 7 months my dad's social worker did nothing,but lied to my mother and i persuading us she was busy with red tape trying for his release, we found she had been doing nothing,and that she even told the administrator (unbeknownst to my mom and i)that my mom 'nor i could take care of him at home successfully..she also told im that i was bullying her into getting his release..my mother was furious about that allegation and i was also very upset..she also considered both of us too old to take care of him-i'm 59 and my mom's 89.i have nothing physically wrong with me.i walk 5 miles a day and in my own dr's opinion i'm as healthy physically as i was in my 30's..my mother is strong for 89.together we can take care of him easily.his only daily physical needs are, his diaper changed a couple times a day,he uses a walker to get around and we would need to connect and disconnect his feeding tube once a day..apart form that he doesn't require any major assistance.he'd be spending time watching tv listening to music and playing cards as he did before the stroke.after 7 months of being lied to we met with the administrator who said my dad needs 24/7 nursing care,but only 'in case' an emergency occured..his nurse and others disagreed.the scenarios he mentioned never ONCE occured in his two year stay at the home and some he mentioned were totally absurd.that administrator has left the home and now is replaced with another..this new one syas he's all for my dad coming home and if the doctor gives his okay he'll have release forms signed..the doctor gave ne his go ahead 2 months ago ,on the condition the administrato r was in agreement also.(i felt that it was a head game as i've always understood that the final decision rests with the dr NOT the administrator .)but this new administrator says okay..so i'm assuming the dr said okay also..my mother was told today she needs to contact molina health care to continue the steps for his release.how is molina involved and are they one of the last steps to his release?? in total it has been two long drawn out years that we've been trying for his release and to get him home.we won't settle for anyone telling us we'll have to wait 6 months or more.we want this done..like now.btw,at one point,during aninterview with the other administrator,he claimed that my dad's social worker said my mother directly implied that she "didn't think she could take care of my dad due to her age"..my mother never said this and it outraged her and upon hearing this,we both felt like we should contact an attorney..we both feel like we've been led on by the nursing home and doctor for the last 2 years.i hope molina is the last step or among the last steps in getti9ng him home..any more refusals and we'll have a get a lawyer involved.

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robertray, I appreciate your wanting him to be home, but please realize he won't be like he was before the stroke. Some of your ideas are wishful thinking combined with denial. I would not send any patient home to two disabled adults, one fresh out of ALF and the other on 100% disability. It is just not safe for any of you.
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let me make this clear..we've had him home for a couple days..there's nothing about this we can't handle..That's why i'm not happy about any of this.the nursing home even admits that he's in not as serious condition as most that have dysphasia.for one his mind is in total tact..also,he's stronger in that he uses a walker to get around and it's obvious when i've stayed at the home from morning to when he goes to bed at night,there's nothing physically that's required that my mother and i cannot do. Sorry but made up scenarios don't discourage me or my mother.when caring for someone you do what you can at the time.sure he might fall sometime..they told us even if he falls at the home,they would take him to the hospital or dr immediately to be certain nothing serious incurred..he told us we'd have to do the same in such a situation.we plan to deal with whatever comes up in the way they advised us in the past.i'm not the deciding factor in the decision to take him home.i'll be helping..no i'm not sacrificing going out with my friends and giving up my relationship with my girlfriend and becoming a 24/7 aid to my dad..my mother will have plenty of help..she pays a woman to take care of him if she has to go out anywhere(only if i'm not available for some reason at the time)i'll be there for several hours a day..before my dad had his stroke i was visiting for hours ona daily basis,often times for half the day or more..we're a very close family and always have been.and being bipolar (diagnosed in 1981) and collecting total disability i don't work and can be there even at times that i'm not visiting..i think i failed to mention that in the apartment right next to my mother.my living room is backed with hers..i can hear her sneeze..if she ever needs my help i'm there.her door is a five second walk from mine..which makes me even more curious why the nursing home was opposed to him coming home,using their first excuse,that i wouldn't be there 24/7..with the other help she'll be getting too this will work imo..
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i don't think some of you get it..she would not be a full time care giver..she would have an aid coming in and i would be there for much of their day.and she is for this as much as i am..she is LONELY and wants him at home..they've been married for 60 years..she's not feeble even at 89..how is she a 24/7 caregiver if she has help??it sounds to me that you're saying that her having help is of no advantage?i know personally,other people my mother age that care for their spouses at home..most have a nusre or an aid that comes in ..my father and mother have most of the say so about this situation,not me..if you're peed off because i don't argue with them,then that;s your problem.where did i ever claim that i want to her to be a 24/7 caregiver..i believe you're reading something that's not there.my mother would never do assisted living..she tried it for a year..they indeed treated her as though she was feeble..they woke her up at 7am and insisted she be inside by 9pm..my father wants to come home and resume his last days as and with his family..that's what she wants...myself also..btw,i myself am bipolar and am doing what i can to help her.. @frqflyer,your statement was off the wall// i'm helping her bring him home which they both want..argue with them not me.as i said,she'll have help when he returns.and aid a few days a week who will come in and bathe him and if she needs someone more frequently,we'll deal with that also..you are obviously not reading everything i type.
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Robert you are not listening.... maybe that is the reason why the nursing home doesn't recommend your Dad going home.

If you Dad was in such good health as you say, he wouldn't been in a nursing home to begin with.
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my father has never fallen..if he does,i can lift him,but he's been in the nursing home for 2 years and never fallen..my parents don't like assisted living..too many requirements..my mom's active..she likes to be out past 10pm now and then and doesn't enjoy others her age..she's not feeble ..she does her own shopping and does the store for hours at a time..why do people hear that someone is 89 and immediately think "feeble"??my father didn't retire until he was 92..he was opening and closing warehouse doors at public storage..he was let go because of his age finally. my mother is 89 but people always think she's in her early to mid 70's because of her vitality and appearance.as i said,even at the nursing home,my father was not being physically lifted except helped to get in and out of his chair at times..he gets in his bed and to his chair by himself..he does this at the home when there's nobody around..his legs are strong.at home he'd have either my mom or both of us there at all times while at the nursing home,a nurse would pop by his room now and then ..otherwise he'd just roll around in his wheelchair all day..when i asked my father if he thought my mom can handle it he said absolutely..i agree..the nursing home told us in the past that an aid would come by the house a couple times a week,and would bathe him even,when needed.but this has yet to happen.my mother is not in isolation as a homebody..she's active and when my father comes home,when he's settled,he'll be going with us places via the senior bus which of course has a lift for his chair.my father desires to be active moreso than he is in this nursing home.my dad is in unusuallly good health for a 96 year old man..he's strong,is mind is good and he's definitely not a stay home all day person...he's been asking us to take him when we go to walmart and other places which we can do via the senior bus when he's home.he doesn't tire easily as most patients in his situation do.
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I cannot for the life of me understand why a grown child would want their 89 mother to be a full-time Caregiver.
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thanks for answering so quickly..my father dies need someone to be with him 24/7,but he is not complex..his diaper needs to be changed a couple times daily..normally he uses his walker to go at home when he visits..but nurses are not always right there in the room when he has to get up out of his chair or out of his bed.he has no walker in his room to use..he'll have one at home.at home he won't be a major point of attention except for us being aware of him,and catering to his health in the way of connecting ,disconnecting his feeding tube, tube,changng diapers,carefully checking his tube daily to see that it's,cleaned, not worn out,loose ,etc.for the most part, he'll be carrying on with life as he did before his stroke.his mind is fully in tact.my mother and i both are wondering why others believe it will be so extremely difficult to care for him.he's been coming home for a full day now and then and he's not difficult to take care of.not much physically to it apart from what i mentioned.i'm sure if his mind wasn't fully in tact,it would be far worse.my mother and i wre extremely upset at the way this nursinghome has taken care of the situation,but every time i discuss what has occured,why it's taking so long,why we're being told we can do this,then later told the opposite,always based on 2 things..my mother's age and not being a part of his care 24/7..i'm bipolar and cannot be his 24/7 caregiver.i would be wiuth my mother and father however, for several hours a day however to help her with anything she needs help with..i plan to continue my fathers therapy regarding his walking..i will be walking him daily,massaging his scalp,working with his speech,especially his pronouncing vowels.my mother has made arrangements with a woman to replace her at those times she has to leave for any reason.the woman lives inour apt complex a few buildings down so she's close..my mother has arranged to pay her by the month,a fixed ammount.whether we use her or not during the month she will still be payed that amount.it's worth it to us to have my father home.i feel at this point that if we continue to be put off and ignored and played head games with by the nursing home,that i should probably hire an attorney..i have no idea what's going on.i've never had to deal with anything like this before.at one point the administrator(the last one not the newest one)even used my being bipolar as an excuse not to let him return home,using the scenraio,'what if you have a manic episode",etc....i told him firstly it's none of his business and that i've been stable on meds for over 20 years and haven't had a manic epsiode since then.he also told me i need to geta job,that there's plenty of online work at home jobs and i'm paying society back that way as well as getting a check each month.i feel as though he was greatly out of line and that my business was none of his..that fact i don't work and receive total disability seemed to annoy him!!i sensed the same thing in him i sensed in many in the past..that notion that i'm on welfare and taking money from his pocket.i had a strong urge to tell the man off but i knew it wouldn't help the situation at all and probably even make it worse..he also at one point told me thinks he remembers APS,telling him i've got a case on me(whatever that means).. and they have a case on me,my dad cannot come home..i was told by someone later that he meant that APS had me investigated or is investigating me for elderly abuse...i almost laughed..never in my life have i even tapped my parents in anger much less struck one of them..this nursing home thing,all the way around has been a nightmare!when i ask my dad about the bruises on his hands(which happens frequently)he tells me that they're cause by the staff,getting him in and out of bed,as they wrecklessly pull and tug and are not real gentle.he's got new bruises every time we see him which is about once every one and a half or two weeks.i tell my mother to say something to the staff or administrator and she says she doesn't want to start anything and that they aren't doing it intentionally..all i know is i want him out of there..he teels us he hates being there and wants to come home and be family again.he can't speak intelligablly and has forgotten how to spell,but for some reason can add multiply and his math skills are exceptional.they were before his stroke as well./ but he can write well enough to get things across..and then asking the right questions we get what he's trying to tell us.i don't know where molina fits in with this..i don't know if they area last step or if they have the last say so about him returning home..i've never gone through this before,but i'm learning why months ago so many have told me i will probably need a lawyer..and yes i can bring my dad home without the homes permission,but we can't afford NOT having the insurance.my mother pays the nursing home 1,800 a month.she has no money for herself for groceries or transportation.they're robbing her of her life as well as my dad's in my opinion..when he's home she'll not have to worry about not having clothes or groceries and most importantly we'll have my dad back and we'll be family again. my opinion is that its cruel to leave anyone in a nursing home if they're mental state is fully in tact.my father misses being independent enough to watch tv ,play cd's,go to bed when he wishes,get up when he wishes and to be part of the family on a 24/7 basis..he hates the nursing home and wants a life back..we want him back as well and i'll do whatever i have to do to get fulfill that wish.hopefully this molina organisation will aid us in doing so.
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I agree with Chicago1954, take your Dad home for a few days to see how it works out. When you are on the outside looking in, the care looks very easy, but it is not. Medical issues can change overnight for your Dad.

Medical issues can change with you and your Mom overnight. I thought I was healthy as a horse but one day I was diagnosed with cancer, and that became a whole different ballgame.

My Mom also thought she could care for my Dad at home after he had a heart attack. She thought wrong. She couldn't pick him up anytime he fell, and that was daily for awhile. She couldn't help him with physical therapy. Dad couldn't climb the stairs to the bedroom so he slept in his recliner, and Mom slept on the sofa. My gosh, Mom was 90 and doing this. Dad was on a special diet and Mom was overwhelmed with that. Plus, she forgot Dad was the one who use to drive her everywhere, and now he couldn't.

Robert, here's an idea, why don't your Mom and Dad find a nice independent living facility which would be much easier for both of them, thus they can still be together. And hire a part-time Caregiver to come into the facility to help with things that your Mom would find difficult to do.

Don't forget, for every one year an elder lives, they age 5 years in that one. In just the past year I have noticed a markable change in both my parents in just one year in their mobility, hearing, and eyesight.
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OMG im in shock! and yes my first thought was why on earth they would be making it difficult then MM nailed it, is he private? I know here they are always needing beds so only to happy to let them go home? this is all strange behaviour by the home?
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I am confused. What is stopping you from going and getting him? He is not under arrest. He is free to go. People take their folks out every day.

Take him home for a few days and see if you can manage it. It will be a 24/7 job. It could effect your mother's health immediately. Please have a plan in place for the days that you are sick or the days that you have to take your mom to the doctor. You will probably need to have a caregiver on call, that you can depend on.

I was wondering if your home is handicapped equipped and if you will be able to bathe your dad, by yourself.

My mother is 95 and I am not able to even transport her in my car, due to her limitations.

You don't need to withdraw your parent, to try this for a few days.
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I'm betting your dad is a private pay at the nursing home? Not on Medicaid? That could account for the NHs reluctance to cooperate with his release.

In fact, you don't need the nursing home's "okay" to take your dad home. Nor, honestly, do you need the doctor's okay. UNLESS the social worker(s) or discharge nurse think your dad would be unsafe in your home.

I would talk once more to the doctor and tell him you want your dad released tomorrow into your care along with a prescription for home healthcare for a period of time to get you adjusted. Let him know that, if you find out it's too burdensome, you will re-admit him.

The Administrator of the nursing home should have absolutely NO say in whether or not your dad goes home. That's the doctor's decision. If he says, "No, I won't release him," I would ask that he put it in writing, and then, if you're determined, I would take it to an elder law attorney and see what he has to say.

A tip. Assuming you get home healthcare, don't take dad home on a Friday. You'll wait the weekend to hear from the home healthcare agency. Take him home no later than Wednesday of a week so they have a little time to get in touch with you and schedule appointments.

I have to tell you, though, I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable taking care of someone with a feeding tube. That sounds daunting to me. I'm pretty sure a heck of a lot could go wrong very quickly.
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