Hi, need ideas from anyone with experience with this situation. Long story short - my father is 80 with dementia and Parkinsons. I am the only child of three who lives in the same area; my brother and sister are out west. We are all in our fifties. My father's wife is his only caregiver, and in my estimation she herself has become increasingly mentally ill. The three of us are subject to passive-aggressive attacks and emails, verbal abuse, etc. We have offered to help take care of my father, but if you cannot do it on her terms you are being uncooperative and ungrateful.
His wife has done all she can to basically cut us out from any interaction with our father. It is very difficult to get them to answer the phone, or respond to email. I have gone to their house at nite more than once in order to see if they were ok. If you're familiar with the Kasey Kasem situation, it's very similar to that.
My brother and sister would like to see their father before it is too late. My brother plans to fly here with his wife from California unannounced and just show up at their door. My sister may come down unannounced at Thanksgiving. The reason being if you try to set anything up through his wife, she refuses to cooperate and blocks us from seeing him.
My phone calls to my father have dwindled, as have my emails, since he rarely responds to either.
Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions re: how to handle this? We have tried to work with her, to no avail. As I mentioned, she is generally rude, vicious, and uncooperative. Thanks for your help.