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I am POA for healthcare and my brother is POA for financials. My stepmom doesn't agree with the treatment plan for alzheimers. She threatens to get an attorney and fight me. Does she have ANY standing as "the wife", as she says? I try to include her in decision making, but they are both 87 and she refuses to believe he is losing it. He hit me last week over not turning the car off fast enough. I am responsible for his safety and that of myself and her. I can't allow him to rant and rave all day, display the OCD behaviors and wear us both out! It is exhausting! What is my standing and what is her's? They have a prenup, but it doesn't say one word about healthcare.

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If she's threatening to consult an attorney, then let the ball be in her court. She can go ahead, consult, and pay, for an attorney. Your best bet is to avoid her as much as you can, and keep plowing forward with the best care you can provide for your father.
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I think that is a question for you to ask an attorney. if your father appointed you while he was still in his right mind and the medical care he is recieving is appropriate for his condition I would hope there is nothing stepmom can do especially as her age. her competence would probably be questioned if she is allowing his behaviour.
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