Should I stay with grandma or just go live my life?
I need help, please! I am 24 years old,and I am currently working on my Masters degree online. I have been living with my grandmother since I was a baby. I have helped her my whole life. I have had to end relationships with boyfriends, give up friends, and not really have time for myself. I love her so much, but I have gotten to the point where I am just tired. I went away to pursue my bachelors degree and drove 1.5 hours back and forth every other weekend to make sure she was okay. I have some of my aunts to help, but we are from a large family and more people need to step up. She recently got sick and had to stay in the hospital for a night..however, she had a light stroke again and now her left side is hard for her to even sit up or stand up. I am also working a part time job nearly 30 hours a week to support myself although I do stay with her until Im ready to go. I dont know what to do? i love her, but I am tired of having to stay home every night and having no social interaction with others my age or feeling lonely that I cant date the way I want to. its not fair that my aunts can dress up and go drink at friends' houses around the next block, but I am stuck with grandma.I dont think it is right. I have to keep turning down good opportunities because everyone wants me to stay with her. I dont want to stay anymore. Im ready to just find me a job, and relocate where I can live my life as I want and get started into a career and have friends and a life again. I am so miserable I have had to go to counseling and get put on anti depressants. my mom will stay for 5 minutes and go home. She wont help, but says for us to call. and wont even come see grandma until like once every 3 weeks and wont come until she is sick or something. What do I do??
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Your relatives are all taking advantage of you (which you know). YOU are not responsible for her. Did you live with your mother and grandmother when you were growing up (or did just you live with your grandmother)?
You have already given some of the most important years of your life to your grandmother. It is time for that to change or I'm afraid your grandmother will outlive you.
Jeanne is right; your grandma's needs will increase and the kind of help she will most likely need will be more physically demanding and more phys. and psychologically unpleasant. It will be more work than you will be able to do alone, even if you quit school and work (which would be a terrible idea.) I really regret not spending more time just talking and doing fun stuff with my grandma rather than focusing primarily on her health and things that needed done around the house. If you can find time to visit and call that will be really good for your grandma. The physical work will wear you out and put a strain on your emotions toward her (at least that is the pattern for a lot of us.)
If you and grandma are ok for the time being, and you wish to stay in her house, it might help to do the math and look at what your rent would cost as her roommate and figure out how many hours you provide support and assistance to her. Ask your mom and aunts specific times they can help, and if they use the fact that you are living with her to justify dumping on you, show then the math. And if they won't help then your grandma can hire visiting caregivers. If that is outside her budget, it might be worthwhile to call the Area Agency on Aging and see if your grandma might qualify for a few hours a week of in home help. It probably won't be in the evening, but it might at least give you a little break. Good luck!
Because you can walk out of there, just after Mom arrives, leaving her a note, and go to a shelter, in a taxi. Are you over 18? Have your bags packed. Keep an extra box of your belongings at a friends house, whose parents you trust and have talked to ahead of time. If you have severe issues, such as psychiatric, drugs or alcohol, get treatment first, but I doubt that with your goals that is the case.
False guilt cannot be healed by taking an antidepressant.
You owe grandma nothing but thanks and respect for bringing you up. So
then go, live your life.
It is what we, as parents want for our adult children-to fly the nest and become self-sufficient adults.
Something is maybe wrong with your mother?
No matter what her impairments are, she should not be your responsibility.
Continue to love Gramma, visit her, talk on the phone a bit, but ... go live your life.
Since Gram has dementia she is going to need more and more care. She needs it and she deserves it. If family can't provide it (and it sounds like that is the case) then other arrangements will need to be made. That may include bringing in paid caregivers or Gram living in a care center appropriate to her needs.
For everything there is a season. This is NOT your season to devote all your spare time to an elderly lady, no matter how much you love her.
I would call Adult Family Services and ask them to help make a plan for her because you are moving out. Work with Adult Protective Services or Agency on Aging, make a plan, and they will protect you from false accusations of abandonment.
I think the most likely answer is that she will need to move to a care home, probably skilled nursing, which she will enjoy with all the different people who come by and do activities.