How do you stay focused at work when your mom's health is going downhill?

Thanks, Marilyn. I'll check out the link. In my mother's case the root cause of the UTIs is a major "staghorn" kidney stone. It basically "holds onto" bacteria that keeps infecting her. So the antibiotics/fluids work to patch things up for a bit, but they don't address the root cause. I have being extremely reluctant to put her through the surgery she needs. (No other less-invasive methods will work on her kind of stone.) It's not that big a deal - takes about 2 hours, incision is small, and she would only stay in the hospital overnight. It's the anesthesia that scares me (local not an option), and she is just so weak, hardly eats, and is scared of surgery. Poor thing. But after this 4th hospitalization in 6 mos, I am ready to sign her up. She was determined a "low to moderate" risk by a cardiologist in the hospital. The most complicated part of this at the moment is getting those records to her surgeon, who is at a different hospital. SO ANNOYING. Should not take jumping through a million hoops (don't ask). By the time I get those to him, she'll have another UTI! Another trip to the ER is just too much to contemplate right now! She went in Saturday at 2pm and didn't get put into a regular room until 2 am! Came home today and am crossing my fingers the stupid UTI can just hold off for at least a month this time!

If a two-hour surgery is going to prevent your mother from having recurrent UTIs, I think you ought to consider it. The ER is a dangerous place that's filled with lots of germs, and every time you take her there she is at risk of contracting something. You know that the UTIs will not stop without the surgery. I think you are fretting over making a decision but not seeing the bigger picture that is her quality of life. One way or another, we all depart from this life.

What's insane is that everyone I ask for how to get the record of the pre-op clearance she was given by a random cardiologist in the hospital tells me something else. But I will get them!!

It concerns me that she is completely uninterested in food lately and sleeping a lot too. I think these UTIs wear her out. Sigh...

Xina, I was told recently by a nurse that they're not allowed to give out medical documentation, including test results. Technically, that's supposed to be subject of a records request to the Medical Records department.

I think I found one for that hospital online, but it may have been sent to me.

You might ask if a discharge planner, social worker (often the same role) can get the forms for you, or the next time you visit, go to medical records and get the form, and complete it then and there. The issue would be whether or not it's available in that department, but I don't see why they couldn't access it on hospital computers now that literally everything is computerized.

Sounds like you may have to take some time off from time-to-time. Does you job offer FMLA Family Medical Leave Act. When I was caring for my mom long distance and in my home; I applied for intermittent FMLA. This allowed you me to take time off as needed.

I don't know what you do for a living, but talk to your boss; most employers understand these types of situations. Can you alternate your schedule, do some work from home, or possibly hire an intern or a volunteer to help at work. That way - if you need to focus on mom you can and the work is still getting done.

My husband has terminal cancer. He has a month to three months left. We've been married for 40 years this coming February. I am fortunate that my work has allowed me to work half days, so I can care for my husband, take him to doctors, run errands, etc. At first, short after the diagnosis 2 years ago, I was immobilized. I could not make myself pull out of the garage to go to work.
Then a good friend of mine, who had gone through a similar situation, told me "You have to look at your different duties and responsibilities as roles in a movie. when you leave one, like caregiver, you have to step out of that set, and put on the costume for the next role, employee. When the garage door closes, you consciously leave that life behind and take the drive as down time, a void, where nothing else matters, until you arrive at work. Then you are the employee, and you have decided to be nothing else, but an excellent employee. When the bell chimes and it's time to leave,  you put on your errand girl outfit ... use your travel time, however short it is, as down time again to refresh your brain. This may be the ONLY time you have for yourself. Use it wisely and most effectively.
Best wishes.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, Mary. This must be so painful for both of you.

You are so right about playing roles. I wake up every morning wanting desperately to stay in bed, but I know that would only make me feel worse. So I get myself into my work "costume," and do my best to act like a functional employee. Then I get home and fall apart, and on it goes.