I placed Mom in a nice facility in the summer, and assumed this phone conference I was instructed to attend was re Mom's care plan. Instead the Ombudsman, Atty., DON, Unit Mgr., Hospice Nurse, Social Services Director, Administrator... all attending took turns describing my Mother being in pain, and reportedly told me my Mom was very capable of asking for RX for pain and did not need to confer with myself (POA). I agreed and since my Mom was also in attendance, agreed and confirmed as well, but said she was confused. I proceeded to explain, that when my Mom was initially admitted, the Nurses took the liberty of administering some dosage of morphine for several days, and without her requesting pain medication. (I don't have an answer for her not refusing it. I assume trying to be congenial in her new surroundings?) When I visited her during this time, it did scare me seeing her so out of it, and not knowing who I was while under morphine. The nurse did explain she was in pain with arthritis (stormy weather does make her arthritis excruciating) and they were trying to help her with that. As a result, I asked to be notified re change- any change to Mom's medications. It's still surreal to me that they would just give her morphine like that, and the stress of that situation is why she told the nurse recently I might get angry if she asked for pain RX. I respect the nurses acting on this. So with all the troops on this conference call, I'm expecting Armageddon. The State 'O' and Attorney advised I stood in no position to impose such a request on the nurses to contact me. That such a request was cumbersome, and my Mom was capable of refusing medications, and did not need my input. The Ombudsman added that "regardless of what I thought necessary, the facility has their own pain protocol." Whatever that means, I assume they are free reigned to administer RX regardless? I asked my Mother, also present in meeting by speakerphone, if I had ever told her not to request pain meds if she was needing it? She said "No, never." So it was apparent that there was a misunderstanding, and the nurses needed to have me put in my place re POA. I tried to explain again what the reasoning behind my mistrust with medications, occurring the first weeks following admission. The Ombudsman's Office said I might want to contact their office for counseling and join a support group as I have put myself in a difficult position. I don't know why I made time for this meeting, but it felt psychotic. Does a care plan need to have an army? Because I haven't had one yet and hope I won't.

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Thank you Jeanegibbs.
Yes Hospice covers my Mom's COPD. She is 98 and cognitive w/ Myasthenia Gravis. She is in a wheelchair bone on bone pain in hip and knee, profound hearing loss, and difficulty w/speech. She crochet's the most gorgeous purple bedspreads!

If you know much about hypothyroidism, the medication has to be taken correctly. If not, muscular stiffness among other things develop quickly. Combined with Myasthenia Gravis effecting upper body including shoulders, my Mom was really hurting. When I recently uncovered the error in giving Mom's medication, it had been going on for over 3 months. Thyroid medication is not unique with seniors, so this made it more frustrating in lieu of unit manager's interest in helping me. I'm pretty sure my tenacity will cost me a Christmas card.

With that story told, the following week the we had the phone conference drama, followed by a hospital appt. for Mom unbeknownst to both of us. I reminded the unit manager this upset my Mother, could she maybe write these things on Mom's calendar for both of us? I don't have time to figure out the why's, I just want to do what I can to enjoy Mom's remaining time- but why make it so hard?

I fail to see the Ombudsman's role in support of my Mom's wellbeing here. I've never met or spoken to their office prior to the conference. What is obvious is the lack of communication is creating undue stress for my Mom and I both. How are we making an unreasonable request for the courtesy to be contacted? I read so many families being heartbroken with delayed contact when things happen to LO's. Like an afterthought! Maybe it's just universal?

If so I'm gonna need some serious Geritol to keep up.
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Care plan meetings do not need an army. They generally consist of a representative from each department (dietary, medical, social services, etc) and are open to the family. Between one and three of us always attended my mother's conferences. They were informative.

You apparently got off on the wrong foot with the nursing home staff. It may well have been a misunderstanding based on your mother's confusion, but the best thing you can do now is build good relationships there. Maybe contacting the Ombudsman's office is a good idea. It will show you are willing to work on improvement.

You mention a hospice nurse. Is your mother on hospice care, for her lung disease?
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