My grandma is 92 years old and I live with her, my aunt and my mother. I work part time and I'm currently a full time college student. Within the past 2 years, I've watched my grandma slowly enter a downward climb towards the inevitable.
It started off with small gaps of memory loss, she was forgetting small things. So we started leaving her notes and calling her during the day to check on her. Shortly after, she began writing her daily routine on paper. She gave up driving 6 years ago, so the shuffling of doctors appointments fell on me. It didn't bother me.
June last year was when the slow decline started, she went into the hospital for a week for A-Fib, I was at the hospital every day, to the point the staff and security knew who I was because I was always the last family member out of her room. She was kept in ICU the whole stay. When she came home she was fine, but more forgetful then normal. So the notes increased, and we started leaving a list of things for her to do.
Fast forward to October 2013, my grandma stayed with another aunt of mine for 9 days, when she came home she said "this is my home and I'm not leaving." So we all said fine and figured out what we were going to do in January when my mom and aunt went away on vacation. Anyways, it turns out that my grandma attended 2 funerals while she was in my aunt' scare and we figured that the funerals made her depressed. Anyways, my grandma complained of chest pains and difficulty breathing so I thought it was an A-Fib episode, while at the hospital, she was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and it has been a downhill climb ever since she was released from the hospital.
Being that I am her primary care giver, I've been finding myself not wanting to take care of her, I just want her to be as comfortable as possible. I'm over trying to force her to eat, she spits everything back up but claims to be hungry. She's very weak and she sleeps all day and moans but won't tell us if she's in pain or not.
There was a nurse coming regularly when my grandma first came home and she was phenomenal, she really cared about my grandmas wellbeing and my grandma was slowly starting to do better. Then she crashed again, and in order for her to get the care she really needs, they moved her into a hospice program.
We have 2 aids for her, but they're only here until 8-12 and 12-5, they're great with my grandma, but Sunday my grandma fell and it's been even worse since.
I realize that she may not even make it to the end of the year, and I hate seeing her like this is. I guess maybe that's why I'm trying to distance myself from taking care of her. Maybe I know that this is the end and that the only way it won't hurt so bad is if I slowly step back from being her caretaker. I've often found myself frustrated and trying to contain myself from getting loud towards her. But I have no desire to go to work, or wake up for class or even do assignments and it's the final few weeks of the semester. I haven't even done anything to prepare for the spring semester because a small part of me feels like I'm not going to be able to handle a spring semester. I keep using my grandma's failing health as a reason for why assignments aren't being handed in and for why I don't think assignments will be turned in on time. If it was up to me I would have took the rest of the semester off but my mom and aunt were completely against it.
I'm just lost and I don't know what to do anymore and I don't know who to talk to.