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Through waiver, my boyfriends mom has approved 6 hours of care a day 3 in morning,3 at night. We have been through several agencies due to her attitude and his father being touchy feely with workers (hes in rehab now). The excuse from agency for missed or combined shifts is its hard to staff - ok i get that when hes around but its a nonissue right now. So the only caregiver we are getting is a religious zealot who cant do her job because when his mom says no to using bathroom or bathing, she prays instead of saying you need to do things for your health. As a result she hasnt bathed in 6 days and she reeks. I talked to worker and she said jesus will bring the mother down only to lift her up. After hearing that, i called the agency to address the concerns. They reiterated the house is hard to staff. Any suggestions on how to find an agency that can deal with the behaviors

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I think the race issue breaks down to communication. Since the mom has a think accent and talks slow, she has a hard time understanding workers of a different race due to sppech patterns, slang, etc. Church lady is black but she likes her because she speaks "proper english". My sons best friend is black and she has no issue with him because she understands him. I told church lady the other day she needs to convince his mom to bathe, toilet and walk around. Her response was she prayed and jesus told her to let the mom hit rock bottom so she would accept him and be saved. I told her the dr and nurse saying she needs to be clean overrides jesus.

The problem really lies in the fact his mom has alienated alot of people with her self pity so she picks certain caregivers to be her "friend" and its always the one that will wait on her hand and foot. We have a great caregiver whos in school that she nicknamed drill sargent because she makes her get up and does not accept excuses.
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I think you're being generous Tacy.....anyone who spouted religion while caring for me would be out the door stat. Religion should play absolutely no part in care. This is a secular position - religion should not come into it at any point. It should be perfectly possible for a atheist to care for a devout Christian as long as the boundaries are defined. The atheist won't deride religious values and the devout Christian won't espouse religious values. It is for precisely this reason that I try not to speak out against religion on these posts, other than to say 'that might well be your view but it aint mine'. I don't care what anyone believes (as long as its legal that is) providing they put it forward as bespoke to them not to all of us on here.

Now if the person being cared for has dementia then the carer should have the wit to recognise this as something she will have to put up with since you cannot control (certainly for any length of time) the nature of the person with dementia - they forget - simple as.

No you don't have to put up with being groped but I have to say I have been in many care homes where this is a constant problem. They send men to deal with those clients (unless it is the female groping a male carer (shock horror yes it does happen!...Id rather have a cup of tea these days).

The issue of racial prerequisite is actually much more common than we recognise. Not because our elders are in their view racist but segregation and apartheid are not that long removed (if indeed they have been removed and that's not always the case). They lived during a period when non white people were treated appallingly purely based on the colour of their skin and that way of life was normal for them. I have heard on several occasions the n word being used to carers and I asked one of them about it. Her response..... She doesn't understand, different times different thinking, and I am not her carer or key worker I just happened to be stood nearby. My boss doesn't ask me to care for her because it causes problems but its no big deal.

What is perhaps more alarming is that the pay is so low that the only people it attracts are those from impoverished immigrant communities. That is not right but I have yet to see a government address it and we have a similar problem in UK

The care becomes more problematic when the person being cared for is a devoutly religious person and in whose faith only a person of their gender and creed may care for them
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Pam - no one said religion cannot be in the house. The aides job is to bathe, toilet and take care of basic needs. She can pray, read the bible and dance with a broom as much as she wants after she takes care of the needs of the client. At the present time, the husband is not home so that is not an issue.
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ohJude, are you aware that the husband gropes every poor girl that goes to the house and mom only wants white help? Now they don't like anyone with religion either. Pretty soon the agencies will blacklist the clients.
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Oh these agencies drive me nuts and it isn't just the US we have the problem too over here in the UK.

Yes I agree that when there were two in the house it would have been a nightmare and an issue but as you say it isn't that now so what is the problem? Your BF MUST know the culture and beliefs so you need, no you MUST have him present when the agency comes to set an effective care plan in place.

She can wallow in self pity all she wants but she needs to be cleaned - end of - so you need to tell the agencies up from that she will resist and what can they put in place as an alternative to circumvent the issue. She doesn't have to have a bath in a bath. She can be bed bathed - if she is incontinent then it is critical that she is washed regularly and barrier creams applied to prevent sores to her nether regions.

Other alternatives include wet wipes designed specifically for interim (and not so interim) usage and is used in hospitals throughout the UK when bathing is impossible. When the job hasn't been done properly ing the agency to complain and let them deal with it.
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I think the problem is his mother is just lazy and would rather wallow in self pity. When the workers are here, she wants a friend and sympathy. She takes enough pain medication to knock out an elephant. Its frustrating because "noncompliance" is the term everyone good uses not to come back. Everyone that comes is very nice they just dont have a spine. I wasted a half hour today having to apologize and suck up to the agency so they wouldnt pull out because the skilled nurse from the dr called and chewed them out and peoples feelings got hurt.
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Your profile states that your BF's parents are immigrants; that might make staffing even harder because, depending on their home country, they may often have firm beliefs and behaviors that they won't compromise.

I suspect also that you're in a part of Michigan, such as the agricultural areas, that are less populated and less agencies are available. You might need to just sit down and call all the local agencies, explain the difficulties of the situation and ask if they're interested.
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It sounds like your boyfriend's parents house was hard to staff. It's hard enough dealing with one patient who has dementia, but his parents household had two according to your profile.... and with Dad being very inappropriate due to his own dementia.

Caregiving is extremely exhausting thus it sounds like the Caregiver had to do a lot of work in those 3 hours in the morning, and another Caregiver with only 3 hours in the evening. Please note that one cannot reason with a person who has dementia. Therefore it could take over an hour just to convince a patient to take a shower/bathe, not counting the time when the patient is actually in the shower/bath and afterwards.

With a Waiver I assume it came from Medicaid, thus the number of available Agencies to draw upon will be limited. Too bad the parents couldn't afford self-pay Agencies where you have more choices of Agencies to call.
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Michigan
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What part of the country are you in?
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