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You should never feel guilty about your choices for your spouse. It really is a completely different thing than taking care of your parents. You are a great wife and you just have to do what you have to do. My aunt had to put her husband in a facility because it was just too much physically to care for him. My mom took care of my dad for ten years and just got where she couldn't do it anymore. You have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty for. You're a great wife who obviously cares a great deal or you wouldn't be writing on this blog!
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My mother went to the nursing home everyday and I took her there three days per week.
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I probably live in a state where the laws are different. I took care of my dad until he died and home health came in every week and bathed him, did his meds, tended the wounds on his feet, and took vitals. We actually had a computer in the house that took his vitals and sent the information over to the home health agency on a daily basis. I'm not sure how long this would have lasted though. I think that your personal need is reassessed every so often. My spouse and I are in our fifties and we now take care of my mother who lives with us. My husband has been very supportive although it has been tough on him at times. He knows that we are doing for our parents what we would want our kids to do for us. Giving up our alone time and the privacy of our home is tolerable to us, but I can see where it would be hard on some people. You just finish raising kids and suddenly here is another person to have underfoot. Everyone has to do their own thing and shouldn't feel guilty, but I would be dishonest if I didn't say that the nursing home my father was in was a very highly rated one.
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1waples: I'm so sorry about your husband. I've not had to face that with a spouse, but I've had the care of parents for close to 7 years and I feel those years have taken away from the time my husband and I could spend together. I am now considering putting my dad in a NH. He had a major stroke last July and now requires 24/7 care in our home.

Sometimes I worry that my husband or I will have a health issue and then I will so regret the years we have put on hold since our retirement. We will be married 40 years next March. After my mom's passing and in general watching them both decline and so pray for a reprieve before that happens to one of us.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it has been for you both. None of us have the power to keep the randomness of illness and loss from our lives. My heart goes out to you and I'm sending you love, and a prayer for happiness and comfort. Hugs, Cattails.
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Thanks Cattails, for your hug ...I feel it and know that you have been, somehow, in my same situation. My husband and I have had a wonderful marriage for 36 years. We traveled a lot, sailed with friends and enjoyed life for the most part...skiing, golf, good friends, etc. Two stepdaughters that I feel are like my own. He's 10 years older than me. For the past 8-9 years he has become increasingly physically disabled...a shame because it really came on full bloom after we both retired. He had surgery for spinal stenoseis about 12 years ago and it has been a gradual downhill ride ever since. So, my story is that I have watched him decline
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1waples: Your profile says you are caring for your husband who is living in a nursing home. Can you share a little more about your situation. Maybe we could be more helpful. Cattails
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Home care unless you pay big bucks to have nurses probably 30 or more dollars an home will be aides either from an agency about 25 or more an hr. and they will not do vitals and can not even watch a pt. take their meds-aides do not do wounds if you are on medicaide you may get a few hrs. a day 5 days a week. People usually end up in a NH because one person-family member can not do it alone. There are problems but NH 's have changed and issues can be solved or you are able to call the board of health and each complaint will be looked into when inspections are done. The best NH is the one close to where you live so you can go in at random times to see what is going on-I would stay away from the ones that do not allow you in before 11am.
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If you can avoid it please do. Even the best of these places have some serious issues. Things like ignoring call lights or putting the call gear under the bed where they are unreachable, telling people to pee in their pants, not regulating diabetics properly, giving them drugs to make them sleep or be quiet. Just a few. I would look into home health care if it were me. They will come and bathe the patient, lay out their meds, tend to any wounds and do regular checks of vitals. You would be surprised how much just the bathing helps.
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Yes because he made things more difficult then they needed to be with his behaivor and verbal ause and not doing things he could do for himself-I also had severe health issues.
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