My mom remarried 15 years ago to a remarkable man, his daughter was very angry, convinced my mom wanted his money only. They lived in his home, a very simple life which is what they preferred. Seven years into marriage, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but we had seen symptoms prior to that. My mom was his primary caregiver and has devoted herself to his care without complaint, dispensing meds, taking him to the doctor, doing memory exercises, etc..
It has accelerated and in early 2018 we told his daughter we felt assisted living was necessary as my mom was getting exhausted and I noticed she was not taking care of herself. With Alzheimer's there can be significant weight loss so mom was always trying to make food more interesting for him, as well as easy to eat. He is now incontinent. She developed CHF four months ago, was hospitalized, she was given diuretics and eventually lost 40 pounds of water (she is normally very thin). His daughter came up and said she would stay with them. I told her someone needed to stay there at night (I live two hours away) and I would come up weekends. She would not consider assisted living. I found out later his daughter would stay at an apartment she rented because the couch at the house hurt her back. So immediately after discharge my mom went back to full time caretaker, not really getting a chance to recover from her own illness. His daughter hired a caregiver to come in one hour during the day (who ended up not cooking meals), and overnight four nights a week (who slept basically and mom still gave her husband his meds). My mom went into the hospital again for severe back pain, and feeling 'not right.' She was found to have two old and one new compression fracture in her spine and a forming ulcer in her esophagus.
His daughter was furious, accused my mom of faking, and had to make a decision to put her dad in respite care so she put him in an assisted living facility in an Alzheimer's unit. She offered a one bedroom assisted living unit for my mom upon her discharge, with the plan her dad could join mom when mom felt more stable. My mom really likes it there, but she has had problems with anxiety as her roll has changed, she no longer is caregiver, but suffering from caregiver burnout. She sees her husband daily with visits, but misses him, and wants him with her in their apartment. Now his daughter is balking, saying that mom's anxiety will drag him down, so she hesitates at them staying in the assisted living apartment together, then switches and says probably could go back home (they cannot care for themselves any longer, and my mom cannot be caregiver, she is 90 and her husband is 95), but then she will say she likes the assisted living facility for her dad, but she knows my mom cannot afford this, her dad is much better off financially but according to his daughter 'my mom worked hard for her retirement, not for your mom to spend it!' (her mom died of ovarian cancer years ago). She resents greatly the idea of her dad spending anything on my mom, even though they are married. If my mom cannot afford this, (unfortunately assisted living is self pay), does my mom have rights as his wife to stay there with him? He told me the day he proposed he would always take care of her. A friend of mine mentioned Ohio law 3103.03. My mother is terrified she will be be put out in the street. She worked tirelessly 24/7 for seven years as his Alzheimer's progressed until her health got too bad. All they want is to be together. This is contributing greatly to her anxiety.