Is it bad for mom?
I have had caregivers for my mom when she has had surgery and when I have needed respite. One of the ladies is incredibly good. She does everything. She has a beautician license and gives us mani pedis. She bathes mom and does her hair beautifully. She talks to mom all day long, never getting tired of chatting constantly which my mom loves. She dresses her and does her makeup. She makes her meals and special snacks and waits in her. She helps her stand up every time and doesn't have her lift a finger all day.
But the problem is that the next day my mom becomes completely helpless and extremely demanding. Suddenly she says she doesn't know how to get dressed. She can't stand up without help. She can't be alone watching tv while I work on something else. My mom and I start to argue about her demand level and she says that she wants her lady everyday. Even if we could afford it, I'm not sure I could handle it.
Has anyone else had an experience where one caregiver has such a strong impact or makes an elder dependent so quickly. Is this common? Or just a unique dynamic the two have developed? The lady is incredibly capable, talented, knowledgeable, hard working, kind, fantastic cook, warm, funny and loving. But when I think about having her come on a regular basis again, I dread the change in my mom.
On the one hand I feel lucky that my mom is so happy to have help, and blessed to have found someone she has such good chemistry with, but on the other hand I feel like my mom backslides when her favorite lady comes. I'm wondering if anyone else has had an experience like this and how you handled it?