My daughter and her family and I moved in with my 70yr sister who takes care of my special need brother. She is showing signs of dementia. I'm 59 soon to be 60. This situation really gets bad. My sister does not clean up after herself I'm cleaning the kitchen 24/7. All she does is fuss n tell us to get out. If we move the state will take my brother from her. When we moved in the house it was almost unlivable. We had to pay a cleaning company to clean the 4 bedroom house up it was horrible. I'm getting so stressed dealing with her mean nasty mouth. When we wake up I dont know if she is going to be in a good mood or bad one but it's always channeled at me. She has a invisible man that she thinks is stalking her every mood including him stalking her bank account, internet, email, cell phone and her alarm system. She has purchased 5 cell phones in one year and is trying to get a new one again. I'm so tired of this and I dont have the best of health so I'm trying to keep my sanity. We are planning to move to another state in a few months. I just don't know what to do with her. I told her I can't take your verbal abuse any more and I'm afraid she might pick up something and hit me while I'm sleep. She said all of you get out my house I don't need you here and don't want you here. Now my knee is bothering me on top of that. I'm just fed up. I told her I'm letting the state deal with you I'm done. She said I don't have dementia that's what that man keeping telling me on my phone. She is talking about her invisible man. I'm just lost and tired I'm ready to just throw in the towel. The sad thing is she has always talked nasty to me so this is nothing new and I'm all she got but I just dont know.
Do you (or does anyone) have durable Power of Attorney for your sister? By your description she could have the beginnings of dementia, or a urinary tract infection (UTI) or both. A UTI can create dementia-like symptoms when one doesn't have dementia. It can increase dementia symptoms in someone who does have dementia. It can be treated with antibiotics.
Practically speaking, your immediate needs are:
- figuring out what is going on with your sister (if she is cooperative)
- seeing if you have any legal control in her best interest if she is resistant
- getting daily help for your brother
- figuring out what the best permanent solution is that you are able to bring about in order to move forward and improve everyone's situation
The following info from you will be extremely helpful to those here who can provide help:
Your sister's behavior is probably not a "mood"...it is probably a cognitive (dementia) or medical (UTI) issue. Would she allow you to take her to her doctor for an exam?
Does anyone have PoA for her?
What kind of financial resources are available to you? This info will determine your options for caring for your brother, your sister, moving your family if necessary, etc.
Regarding your special-needs brother, you can contact your area's Council on Aging as they have many resources to provide you. Also you may want to contact social services to see what they say.
Thank you for the additional info. Keep checking back as responses from others will keep posting every day/hour.