My mother is really sinking fast into her vascular dementia .. On the other hand she sees other around her in the AL who are worse and she fels great fear and shame about what is happening to her. "What is going to happen to me next?"" Don't let people see me like that" (about patient dozing in their chair.)" I hope my grandchildren will have memories of me different than how I am now."
I try and reassure her to the best of my ability and she can't remember the reassurances, but keeps saying the same things again. She calls me several times a day from the AL asking who and when someone is coming next to see her (even though one of us goes every day.) She pleads to leave there and come to my house more. I bring her here a couple of times a week for several hours, all that I can.
Her pain and insecurity is so difficult to watch and of course I feel vicarious pain. She only seems to relax a bit and feel soothed when I am actually with her. She will not trust caregivers or ask them to assist her and they are busy with others and need her to ask for help. She often calls me, and asks me to come over and help her. I usually call staff then and ask them to check on her which they will gladly do.. Anyone have any ideas to help her feel more soothed when I can't be with her?
I should mention that she has had mental illness and trust issues all her life. My father, before he died 30 years ago, was the only person on earth she trusted, then it was her brother till he died, and now me I guess. It is wearing me out emotionally.