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Background is that my mother, his grandma, has Alzheimer's/ dementia but is very aware, incontinent, and sometimes sharp tongued. My dad, his grandpa is forgetful, legally blind, hearing impaired. Both have walking devices. We want them there but it is a 3 hour trip in an unfamiliar location. After a dinner outing it became clear to me that it would be unsafe to take them 3 hours away. I am conflicted as my siblings say they shouldn’t go but our hearts want them there. Thoughts?

Can the wedding be filmed, recorded?  Have a lot of pictures, and when put together can be brought to the NH by the wedding couple.  If you bring them, they will be tired and confused.  It'll be like bringing twin toddlers, and exhausting for YOU.  You are the Mother of the Groom, and need to be present for your son.
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Reply to GrannieAnnie
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Of course, you WANT them there. But, I really can't see it being a good thing for anyone. It's so sad, but absolutely necessary. Enjoy the day and do not feel an iota of guilt. It would be much too hard on them.
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Reply to againx100
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Thank you everyone for the words of wisdom. It has helped me a lot and brought peace. We will definitely plan something special for them . What bothers me most is how hurt they will be, they want to be there no matter what . They will never understand that it is unsafe for them to go.
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againx100 Jan 8, 2019
Maybe change the focus about how stressful it will be for you and the bride and groom? Or maybe that sounds selfish? You will be BUSY that day, so many responsibilities, etc. I would not talk about it anymore. 5 months is a long time and a lot can happen so make your plans. Plan the special thing the bride and groom are going to do and when it's MUCH closer, fill them in on the particulars. Perhaps also appeal to their desire not to be in the way or to make people do too much for them, etc.? I mean, don't pour it on too heavy but a little gentle pressure might work? Hard to know exactly what will work to make them feel good about this.

So many difficult situations with our elderly parents!
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What about video taping the ceremony for them and have the bride and groom visit and play the video at the same time?
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Reply to OldSailor
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97yroldmom Jan 8, 2019
I really like that idea oldsailor.
The one about wearing their wedding outfits was sweet also but I couldn’t think how they could easily pull that off being so far away. Certainly not on the day of. The video could also have some greetings from other family members on it to the grandparents.
Could have a message from the bride and groom to them on it.
Would also be nice if someone could film the grandparents with them when they visit. Easy enough to do these days with cell phones.
I went to a wedding once where the minister (uncle of the bride) was in the hospital. The couple wanted to get married on the date that had significance for them so they had the very small wedding in the very small hospital room. Everyone was happy.
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My son was planning to get married in August of 2015; the plans were all made, the deposits put down, etc. My 91 year old Dad suddenly began the dying process in mid July of the same year, and would obviously no longer be on Earth in August. My son and his fiancee asked the Hospice minister if he would marry them in Dad's room at the ALF on July 26th, so Dad could witness the marriage ! My DH & I went over earlier that morning, cleared the furniture out of his room & set up chairs for the ceremony. Here's the weird part........Dad was pretty much comatose for a few days prior to the wedding ceremony. As soon as the minister arrived (and my son & his fiancee shortly thereafter), Dad woke UP! He spent the entire length of the ceremony awake, and as soon as it was over, we all hugged him and he went back to sleep. He passed away in the early hours of July 28th. Dad knew that his grandson was planning the ceremony in his room, and we all believe he stayed around long enough to witness it. It was one of the most sadly beautiful & poignant moments in our lives.

Don't let your folks endanger their lives by attending a wedding they're not physically able to endure. Figure out something else you can do for them instead......I'm sure they'll appreciate the gesture.

Good luck!!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Seem pretty obvious that they can't manage it. Of course you want them there, but I think here practicality has to rule. I think the trip would be traumatic for them and also for you. You need to be there for your son and soon-to-be wife. Arrange something special for then afterwards that they can manage and enjoy. Pamstegma's idea is great.
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Reply to golden23
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Don’t bring up the subject to them. If they ask be truthful and tell them it is beyond their capabilities. We are in NJ and son got married on Nantucket. Never occurred to me to take him along. He could not enjoy it and neither would I looking after him. Just having him at my home at Christmas this year was more than he or I could handle. It is what it is. And it is not fair to you to give up your enjoyment of the day so they can just be present
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LeeEps Jan 7, 2019
Thanks
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I agree, don't think they should go. You can not enjoy the wedding if you have to worry about your parents. Mom will be overwhelmed and want to leave within an hour. Dad being blind and hearing impaired cannot enjoy anything. I live with an almost deaf husband and he enjoys very little when in crowds. Hard to keep up with the conversations.

If you haven't told them, don't. You are lucky, family is backing you up. If they know, I wouldn't tell them they shouldn't go thats giving them an option. Tell them sorry but after your dinner outing there is no way they can do a 6 hour round trip. That as the Mother of the groom, you will not to be there for them.
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LeeEps Jan 7, 2019
Thank you for the support!
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Have the bride and groom visit them in their wedding outfits and pose for some pictures.  That is all they need to be happy, to know they are important.   My grandma was so thrilled to see me in my wedding gown and spend a little time with just us.
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Reply to pamstegma
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LeeEps Jan 7, 2019
That’s a great idea , thank you!
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