if you are still of 100% capacity to make your own decisions then definitely not ok to my mind. if banking housekeeping needs to be done on your behalf by your son/others, he/they should confer with you. my dad was so ill with chemo his last year, so i handled his banking etc, but i ALWAYS conferred with him and deferred to his choices, period. his money, his life as he had his full faculties in check. in a word respect. even if i may have disagreed with him (can't think of one at the moment, but there were times...) i expressed my opinion and still did as he asked. competent parents, with the emphasis on COMPETENT, are allowed to make choices, even if we their children may wish otherwise. self determination is very important to people. it can be painful to watch at times, but people don't lose their right to make less than perfect choices just because they are elderly. i am not talking about serious health and wellness and safety issues necessarily... though even then sometimes we need to learn to accept what is and give even the people we love the most the grace to live their lives as they wish.
he is likely/hopefully doing things with your best interest at heart, but i'd have a frank talk with him. he may have concerns you may not be aware of, but for sure get this straightened out with your son and with the bank. You be in charge of your life my dear, even if you are receiving assistance from family. you totally are, until you are not. and that is a very good thing. hope it gets resolved well for all concerned. hugs!
So only jessiebelle noticed that "amyjo has left the building?" I don't like it when everyone has to assume what's happening for three pages and questions have been asked and not answered. Unless the OP has come down with the dreaded lurgy or something, or has died, or a relative has had a stroke ... did that happen, amyjo? Have you had an accident that put you in hospital? If even one of those dreadful thing has happened, of course, I'm terribly sorry.
No, she was not the only one who had noticed, but if a poster won't respond to even the simplest of questions, or feels it not worth enlightening the readers, then most stop commenting... seems many posters participation of their own posts are void or absent, a bit hit and run if you will, so why make further effort. Kind-of makes one question if they are real persons or bloggers hired by the site to start topics.
You're right, of course, but I do praise the other ppl who have taken time out of their busy days to answer, in some depth I might add. I learn from them.
What I suspect is that it was a legitimate question, but the action by the son may have also been legitimate. We don't know the whole story and probably never will. The son may have been doing what he thought was in the best interest of his mother. I do hope that he was not doing anything underhanded.
I agree with most of the above answers but mostly their content. Then someone posed the question if any of the answers were made by Hired bloggers which I find insulting especially when trying to provide the best insight I can give from my own situation, knowing personally of other people who've been taken advantage of by siblings who could care less about their parents and left the care on them, one committed suicide one is now homeless for his good intentions over caring for his mother and putting their lives on hold to give a parent/s a wish they deserved for taking care of us as children and the only intention was to return the favor so by returning home, as I did, or staying at home as others have done by giving them their wish to stats I did return home and handle things they found a mystery anymore- like wriggling their way through voice mail, finding contractors my dad could trust to do work around our home he used to do but was just too old any more to do himself like he always did and didn't know of trustworthy contractors as I did being employed through a highly respected Real Estate firm to have connections to do any work my parents wanted done-for instance a sewer lateral was only one. Nor could they even figure out how to get several prescriptions for eyesight, blood pressure, thyroid conditions which all came up at different times and there was no way to get in advance or to occur on the same day each month, called in at appropriate times delivered at various times each month by USPS so their was never a lapse in taking them due to my having to make a weekly visit or 3 weeks at the most to Kaiser Pharmacy since my dad had become uncomfortable with driving or where to pick them up once he got there nor how to keep track of them all. And all were manditory prescriptions not just useful. I had a hard enough time myself anymore when dealing with 20 or so prescriptions coming at different intervals each month. Glaucoma for eyes required 3 prescriptions for drops, none came up at the same time nor the same intervals. And there were the others I mentioned plus Warfarin which you can definately couldn't get in advance but it didn't really matter too much since my dad's blood tests came up by his last reading 1 week or two weeks or at best a little less than 3 weeks apart when if he picked up the phone while I was at work after that mornings test which he'd usually want me to verify as to when he needed his next test especially if it became less than 2 weeks. But bless him at 88 or so that he could remember to let me know when we had to or find out why but especially when the test periods were so close together at times I had to get him there and what date. AND THIS WAS JUST ONE OF THE MINISCULE things as to how my life had changed and squeezing things in. Plus my dad and I were also dealing with mom's dementia which is a chapter of it's own especially when bodily functions gave way while I was still trying to start a career in Real Estate for as it turned out due to my mom's degradation to the dementia she ever so suffered with, knowing how how her 2 sisters degraded with it and for which I consider my mom to be one of the strongest and bravest ladys I've ever met.
Is it best if child has the POA and has his or her name first on the checking account with my name as second.. or does it matter? Myfunds will be going into the account. thank you
he is likely/hopefully doing things with your best interest at heart, but i'd have a frank talk with him. he may have concerns you may not be aware of, but for sure get this straightened out with your son and with the bank. You be in charge of your life my dear, even if you are receiving assistance from family. you totally are, until you are not. and that is a very good thing. hope it gets resolved well for all concerned. hugs!
If not, further clarification would be helpful.
Do we have ourselves a troll here?
Hugs to everyone!