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I broke my ankle, could not care for my Parkinson's husband. He went to my son's out of state. My son wants to place my husband in a very expensive Assisted Living Facility in his home state. I do not agree with this decision, nor can I afford it. So we disagree. My son will not communicate with me and is hostile. I have been sending him and his wife 2,500 per month to care for my husband. A stipulation was that they'd bring in a carer. They did not. Now I want my husband home. Have spent money on a carer flying out of my state to fetch and accompany my husband back home to me. My son will not commit to releasing my husband. What legal recourse do I have as POA for my husband?

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Dustien: I wonder, too. We don't write these helpful posts because we're sitting around twiddling our thumbs.
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Interesting that Penrose has not written back to answer any of the questions in here? Wonder if they are even reading this?
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I guess it is sounding like it probably is not super nefarious because I don't see how they profit from placing him, and at least he might be getting good care (if not, that's a whole 'nother story...) So, well, what do you really think their point of view is? Are they afraid you can't care for him? Do they have any reason to be? Is there possibly an assisted living for him where you all can visit and they would chip in some of the cost?

Ok, way too many questions - but two more - what does HE want? Could you go out there and visit, or Skype and talk to him?
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Penrose, I was looking at the $2,500 per month you been sending to your son and daughter-in-law, which says to use some of said money toward caregiving. If your son deducts room, food, clothing, medicine, maybe even Depends, sadly that doesn't leave very much to pay for caregiving.

The fact that your son wants his Dad in Assisted Living says that he thinks that Dad needs a higher level of care. But who is paying for this? It can be expensive, more than the $2,500 you are sending.

When was the last time your spoke to your husband? Does he sounds clear minded or confused. Night time is a good indicator if there is an issue.
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Penrose: Something is majorly amiss here. You have POA, but son is controlling=not right. Who decided to send the son and his wife $2,500.00/month? I assume it was you. You should be retaining an attorney NOW. You should get DPOA. And since son and his wife didn't follow through with getting a carer, was it put in writing as a legal doc? Also, I'm on board with others=is he cleared to fly?
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Along with a POA you should have a medical POA as well. That way you get to make all medical decisions if he cannot make them himself. I hate to say it but you better make sure he isn't messing with you bank accounts or your husbands financial accounts in any way. You never know what he may be having your husband sign.
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I hate to be cynical, but it sounds to me like your son and his wife like the 'extra money' they've been getting and do not want it to stop. They cannot put your Dad into AL unless THEY are going to pay the private pay rates there. Since my Mom is in AL, I am pretty sure the rates will be much more than they are getting right now. I am wondering what is the real issue here? Have you recovered sufficiently that you can resume his care at home? Was he really too much for you at home and your son is trying to also protect you perhaps? How far away is he from you now? Why did they not get caregivers for him at their home? How do you KNOW they are caring for him properly with no caregiver? Have you been able to visit. And, as other said, first of all, is he competent to say what HE wants and where HE wants to be? As to the future and your financial situation, an eldercare attorney can look at your total financial situation, and figure out how to put together a trust and arrange the money and assets, so that even if your husband must go into a facility, half of the assets are left for you to care for your self. It just means that your husband ends up going on Medicaid sooner because he runs out of his half faster, with the private pay at a facility. You are left with the home, a car and half of the rest of the assets safe for yourself and your future needs. I agree with others.....I would, based on your answers to these questions we have put out, consult with an elder care attorney; stop the money to the son and find out what your husband wants to do. Even if the POA is in place and he is not competent in some ways, everyone should still consider his opinions about what he wants, because trying to do as much of what he wants as possible, gets happiness for him, and cooperation in the plan of care down the road.
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I agree with Dustien...Cut back or even eliminate the monthly payments...
(I would eliminate entirely)

My hunch is you'll soon have your husband back.

Grace + Peace,

Bob
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First place I'd head to on this one is an Elder Law attorney. You say you're sending 2500.00 to them each month...I'd cut that back and tell them you need the difference to pay for an Elder Law Attorney since they are refusing to send him home.

Now, if your husband still has his wits about him and he's choosing to stay, then there's nothing you can do about it. Then you still want an elder law attorney so you can see to it that you, as the spouse, make sure that your portion of the estate isn't forfeit to the Assisted Living Facility your son is wanting to put your husband into. If your husband is not of sound mind, then you are POA and you need the attorney to help you fight for the rights your husband assigned to you.

Something to think about... I doubt any assisted living facility is going to take him if you hold the purse strings being POA and you don't approve.
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Has your POA been activated, meaning your husband can no longer make his own decisions?
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How long has your husband been there? Does your husband want to come home? Is he medically cleared to fly? Many patients can no longer withstand an airplane. I take it you are still disabled or you would go there. Too many unanswered questions. Legal recourse across state lines is VERY expensive.
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