I am battered and defeated. Tired of the same problems that my mother just ignores and brushes away. She doesn’t deal with the consequences so she doesn’t care. I’m left to clean up the mess. Sometimes figuratively sometimes literally. Oh sure, she feigns concern and promises change but in a day or so she returns to her old bad habits and nothing ever really changes. And before you ask, no. She doesn’t have dementia. Not that any Dr has been able to determine. So I’m left to decide......her or me? Don’t be so quick to respond. Many on this forum have called others selfish and heartless and unloving for choosing themselves and their families over their elderly parents. It may seem like an easy answer but it’s not. One answer causes guilt, confusion, shame, and loss. The other dooms you to a life of servitude (some say slavery) and loss of other family and friends. Not to mention your own health concerns. But still I read people on here saying “you’re a saint”. “What a good daughter”. “You are so kind and loving”. So what is it then? Huh? Not as easy to answer as you thought? Right. That’s what I thought.