Is there someone out there to take care of me?

Sounds rough. I think that you are doing great to have cared for your husband this much and devoted yourself to his care. I must work. this is what scares me the most~~losing my love for him because it's taking so much out of me to care. Does that mnake any sense?

Yes, it makes sense. You aren't losing your love for him, but you are so tired of doing it all. You are human.
Carol

Daddysgirl, I feel your pain. Sometimes are situations seem so helpless but remember God holds the blue prints to your life and your husband. You can only do so much and then you just have to give the rest to the Lord. I pray that the Lord will give you strength in health. Lord, I ask you to take this fear way that I so many times feel and replace it with peace. Father, I ask that my sister in Christ will have so many doors opened for her and that she will get some help. Remember , It might not seem like you have someone to take care of you but your Father in Heaven is and will continue if you allow him to. Hang in there and be of good cheer. Michael

miak, keep your sense of humor going. My sense of humor helps me to cope with things that are beyond my control, and I must say that it is a rare day when I can't find something to laugh about in life, be it my own, my local environment or something somewhere in the universe. I refuse to take myself too seriously. In fairness to your sister, a good nurse learns to have a certain degree of detachment because he or she has seen so much in terms of illeneses, pain and suffering, so she may be keeping her guard up when it comes to your Dad in much the same manner she would a patient on her nursing unit. Eventually, she will have to deal with her feelings, too, because in the end feelings need to be dealt with. Feelings do not just evaporate. You sound like you are compassionate toward your Dad. May God bless you.

Gee Girls, I feel so blessed, my husband is still himself most of the time and My mom is so afraid I will know her business not knowing if I don't I won't be able tohelp her. so far she has settled down and insisted she was having a good christmas I know the worst is yet to come but I am prepared, I do have a network of good people to confide in My church family and my work family. I meditate a lot and go to my bible classes and they are helping right now we are studying Proverbs. sluggards and deceit and it so applies to my life right now but I have to be careful that I don't take those things and use them against my mother as she is both of those things and always has been, I just let her know I know better. I agree they are scared and are fearful as they are losing control especially when they were control freaks to begin with. Mine is all about the mail? something may come I'm not supposed to see, I remember way back when I was writing a boyfriend in vietnam and she used to get the mail, natch because I was working and read the letters and thru them away I finally had to have him send them to my job. Wierd wasn't it sad to I wouldn't do that to my child anyway. Everyone hang in there and know you aren't alone we are all in it with you just different names and faces. Sad we are supposed to be superior to the animal kingdom yet I see cats and dogs with more compassion than some humans.

Take time for yourself hot bath, walk, window shopping anything where you can get away for a few min. I am supposed to be getting ready for a small gathering tonight for the church instead I am on the computer until Mother gets up thats my down time. Love and hugs to all just take them arms of yours and hug yourself, close your eyes and know God is hugging you. Just stay still and get inside yourself for a few min I know that sounds stupid but it works, Let your father hold you neon

I understand how you feel. Just since thanksgiven my husband had 2 heart attacks, the first one they just done a stint placement but after he had the second one within 2 weeks of the placement they did a double bypass. With all this going on I am also a full time student tryn to get my LPN done after working 20 yrs as an nurse aide. NOw with this going on, school is my only break from him regarding cares. He getting better but he rather have me give him his medications then try to figure that part out, he has troubles with his short memory span so that one reason. Working as a nurse really has helped me handel some issuse that we had to face but the stress of care I really never thought would get to me but it does. I try not to let him see it but I know he can tell. Tryen to get some help but not see it happen, this state here really don't like to help people unless they are minority which to me really bad. Well enough on that. For me I blog or write in my journal on how I feel and how to deal with issues.

me in small town nebraska

Writing out how you feel is therapeutic, as you can tell from the numbers of people chiming in on this forum. Please keep coming back. You are under a lot of stress, and it's hard not to let it show.

It's wonderful that you are working on your LPN. You are fortunate to have your background in this field to help you in your personal struggles.
Carol

Always remember that you are not alone in your situations and find comfort in expressing your fears and anxiety with this wonderful community of friends. We've all either been there, done that or still finding our way through our journey of helping others, but know that you have people here who can help by just listening......all you have to do is type it out. It's such a release that it's amazing, for me anyway.
Blessings to all who come searching and needing comfort.
Rainbow Painter

My husband fell and injured his neck. He has lost almost all control of his hands, needs a walker in the house and a wheel chair out. He is unable to dress himself, bath himself. or even open a soda can. He had surgery and is, I hope, healing where the nerve will no longer be compromised and the feeling will return. He can't be left alone for other than a few minutes at a time. It's like having a 160lb toddler so consequently I can't work. Does anyone know of any financial resources? I hate to complain when I read how others seem to have worse issues than I do because he has been very gentle with me and so concerned about me but frustrated because he can't do anything but I don't know where to turn.
Eddi

Eddi. It depends on where you live. My wife gets In Home supportive services (IHSS). She gets 245 hours a mounth at $8.10 an hour. The max is 290. There are a lot of services out there. Call the county you live in. The program is a county program with state funds as well. I wish you well.

You're not complaining, Eddi. You are human and you have a lot on your hands.

IS had some good advice. I'd check with your state aging services as well as your county social services. If you have an Area Agency on Aging (gov. program) they can help (Aging Services can tell you that). Someone at these places should be able to point you to resources in your area.
Carol

To everyone who has posted or read this site -
I have sat here at the computer since 5:00 am reading thru all the posts on this thread...couldn't sleep. I must say, finding this site has saved my sanity. The first post I made was about 2 weeks ago, and just venting the stress to people who understand was a relief. No-one condemmed me for my feelings and the more I read the more relaxed I become. I have gone from wanting to jump in front of a moving truck, to, I am so thankful and there are some things I just have no power over. If anyone new reads this, keep reading posts on this site. The information is empowering and you will always find something or someone you can relate to your own circumstances. I no longer feel alone and isolated in my plight. Nothing lasts forever and neither will Mom. The only thing I can do is what I think is right morally and ethically. If my family doesn't want to help, they have to live with that, not me (something I learned here). I am where I am suppose to be in Gods eyes and to me thats what counts at this moment. Bless you all for giving me some strength.
Kimberly

max13, I am so blessed to have this site as well too, as you said, "save my sanity". It really does help to come to this place and not feel so all alone and defeated in our efforts in being a caregiver to a love one. I've found solace, compassion and wealth of information in my days of turmoil and emptiness. I'm glad you found solace here as well. Also, if you need, you may also private message those that have posted just to keep in touch when you don't want to speak of the topics. Keep in touch and may God continue to bless you in comfort and strength along your way.
Rainbow Painter

I am reading all your posts and just had an epiphany!!

We need to seperate ourselves which is extremely hard from child to caregiver at least that is what I am thinking perhaps I have bats in the belfry by If we can manage that perhaps it won't be so stressful. What would I do for a person I didn't know (LEAVE) no seriously Thats something I need to think about. neon

Hi neonwocky,

No, you don't have "bats in the belfry" and yes, you've come to the realization that at times such as this for those of us who have "switched roles" in life, that it is imperative that we not LOOSE ourselves. Which is why it is also necessary for caregivers to "give unto themselves" and find their rest and peace of mind in order to be a better caregiver.

No, it's not an easy role or task to do and for me, it's a constant tug at my heartstrings. It's taken me a long time to ASK for help, and then accept that help, because then I have to LET GO so I can find my own peace of mind and rebuild my strength. I'm still learning and I'm work in progress.

Hi rainbow Painter, love your name am working on a website for my painting to do something I so love and make a few extra $$.

yes, I think we are all a work in progress and finding peace is the key. If you are at peace you can do anything For example, someone here sent my boss a letter with lies in it, see I work at a IT helpdesk, which is stress in itself. But I am very good at what I do and I really am sensitive and hate when people lie and put their ignorance off on someone else especially me so I need all the Peace I can get. I work hard at finding it to and I am a peace maker have been since I was a small child. I thank you all for being here to vent to, sometimes when I respond I gleam some new info myself and that is good. Also, no one is condeming or judgemental because we are all in the same boat. Do you know how good that feels? Yep

Thank you all for being here and I hope each of us has a good New Year regardless of circumstances or what happens. After all we are still us.

neon

IS thank you for the information I will check it out. He had a good night last night and I got nearly a full nights rest it was a gift from GOD I hope I get again soon . Good luck and I will be back on line in a day or so.
Eddi