Is there some drug out there to mellow her out?

Oh, and Amy, you need two weeks off after Mom is settled. Just do it. Tell the AL to call your sister if there's a problem.

AmyGrace,
Has your Mom been checked for a UTI which can cause sudden and drastic behavior changes. It seems that is the first thing they SHOULD check. If so, and she doesn't have a UTI, then talk to her doctor about something to calm her.

Amy, I'm sorry if a any point it sounded like I was blaming you! I know that you have been working tirelessly to get your mom moved, with a lot of obstacles in your way.

Clonozapam is Klonopin, which is an antianxiety drug ,short acting but effective. But it sounds as though your mom would benefit from a more systemic med like an antidepressant. Is there a geriatric psychiatrist at this new AL?

Today we moved Mom. She was very upset when we told her. She cried, denied, threatened to kill herself, wished she was dead, etc. We had to go over it several times before she "got it" or maybe it was just she didn't want to accept it. My sister slipped her another 1/2 tranquilizer so she was a little woozy and out of it when we got there. We met for a long time with the staff, nurse, etc. They are putting her on maximum care level the first 30 days until such time as they determine what she can do and what she needs assistance with. That means checking on her hourly, taking her to meals, observation, showers, incontinence maintenance, etc. The place is lovely, upscale, cozy and welcoming as were the residents who took her in like a mother hen. They got her hearing aid working, fed us lunch, and best of all, the nurse said she MUST use a walker and found one she could use until I can fill the prescription for one. I'm making an appointment with a new doctor for next week to get her evaluated and maybe on some meds, try Aricept or something to help her confusion. Of course tonight, she tried to call my sister four times, but we decided no contact for several days. What makes it difficult for Mom is the fact that she has NO interests, ZERO interests or hobbies - ever, in her life. She bores herself which is why she is agitated and antsy - she does nothing to amuse herself. Its very sad, but she isn't going to change now. But, bottom line is the AL is wonderful and we hope she will adjust. If she doesn't, it won't be for lack of their trying very hard to help her. I feel better just knowing that she is getting the care and attention she should have had years ago. Maybe if she had been moved and on some meds, the move would have not been such a shock and she would have been much better mentally and certainly happier, but water under the bridge...........

I think it really depends on the assisted living place. My dad is taking medications for anxiety and agitation, and has been diagnosed with alzheimer's disease, but he and my mom are in assisted living and the nursing director, med tech and other staff are aware of his issues and his meds. We have also talked to the nursing director of their memory care wing. The fact that they have a memory care wing might make a difference, although other AL's have told me that they can take Alzheimer's residents as long as they are not wandering. It has to do with being able to keep a lock on the door and not let them out to wander, which in AL they are not allowed to do. If the AL has nursing staff and they understand your mom's situation, AL will probably be very helpful for her, especially since she is still doing all the things you mentioned in your original post (getting dressed, makeup, etc.) I'd also concur with the person who suggested having your mom see a geriatric psychiatrist. The AL might even have someone they work with. It's good to talk with all the relevant staff there about what's going on with your mom. I don't think what you're describing is all that out of the ordinary for assisted living - I read the other day a statistic that said more than 50% of people in ALF's have some form of dementia. Wishing you well, let us know how it goes!

Babalou, no, we didn't reject any drugs. A few years ago she was prescribed Aricept and two days later the whole weeks worth was gone and everything was thrown away. Mom couldn't be trusted to take drugs even then. A few of you are blaming me for not doing something. I knew Mom should be in AL 3 years ago. My sister and I share POA and she refused to move her. Mom refused to move. I fought and fought, knowing that the longer we waited the harder it would be for her to adjust as her dementia got worse. Last year I begged the doctor to please indicate on her IL form that she was not competent to live there. The doctor said she is "not there yet". My sister refused to work with me to move her, refused to accept she shouldn't be there, and mostly didn't want to Mom to blame her for moving her. I tried to hire an aide. Mom wouldn't let her in. It was only this past annual exam that I wrote down all the problems to convince the doctor who FINALLY indicated she shouldn't be there. The doctor said she was good for AL, AL interviewed her unknown (to Mom) and found her lucid and physically capable. All the doctor prescribed was clonzapan 1/2 tab at bedtime even though I asked for something stronger that could be given during the day! She should have been moved, I wanted to move her. I planned to change doctors as soon as we got her into AL, because I couldn't before until I knew where we were moving her. I've been carrying the whole load for the past 4 months, the planning, everything. I couldn't plan it, move her things and take care of her at home, all at the same time, so my sister had to take her for three days. During this time there Mom is agitated, doing strange things, wanting to go home, then saying she lives there, etc. In other words, just this change is traumatic for her, and she doesn't know yet she no longer lives in IL. I know we waited too long and it looks like, without medication, AL will probably not let her stay if she acts like this. They don't have room in memory care. I spent the last three days physically moving all her furniture and belongings. I can barely walk from the back pain and stress. Tomorrow we have a family sit down with Mom, but I think she is too far gone. She can't handle any change. I'm going to call the doctor first thing and see if I can get her to prescribe something, anything to at least calm her down so we can figure out what to do. I have so little faith in this doctor I don't know what will happen, but as you can see, I have to follow thru until I can get an appointment with another one. I don't sleep, I'm totally stressed out. And this is not my fault because I knew this would happen and without Mom's or my sister's cooperation, I could do nothing but try to keep her going. (It took me 5 years to convince her to move Mom out of her house.) I'm mentally and physically exhausted. What I was asking is, what others have found worked on a senior to reduce the anxiety and depression? I know the tranquilizer is not enough especially prescribed at bedtime.

We give mom an ounce of dry red wine and she mellows out. But mom knows where she is. Your mom sounds like a memory care patient, sorry.

My mom is on Remeron, Lexapro and small doses of klonopin throughout the day. She is not "drugged" in any sense of the word. She is alert, calm and mostly content. It took a long time to get this right.

Mom was started on the low dose of klonopin by the geriatric psychiatrist at her IL. In rehab for her stroke, they started her on lexapro. Geri psych at the nh added the Remeron and it was the final piece of the puzzle.

My mother takes a small dose of resperidone it really help she was wanting to jump off the balcony before she got started on this medication.

Amygrace, I've gone back and re--read some of your previous posts and I understand that you've not found a doctor that you're happy with, BUT it also seems as though her doctor has wanted to prescribe "the latest trendy drug" and you rejected whatever that was. Perhaps you need to go back to that doctor, at least temporarily and see if the recommended drug will work, now that she's someplace where her meds can be administered safely.

The idea of inpatient behavioral setting would be ideal, as Capt says. Someplace where her meds could be monitored and adjusted.

As to moving her physically to the AL, I would hire an ambulette to take her. I'm not sure taking her by car is going to be safe. If you have to, make sure she's in the back seat with the child protection locks activated. Make sure she has no cane and that there's not something she can grab to whack the person driving with. I learned this the hard way,

memory care isnt a penal colony , only a designated wing in most nh ' s that just has a more home-y setting and specially trained staff . my mom was given haldol injections for the last 2 months of her life and by her own admission it made the hallucinations much less distressing . my mom was able to die at home like she preferred but it was indeed a bumpy ride for about a year . ideally , docs would like to have the patient in a rehab setting for a few weeks so they can try different meds and monitor their effectiveness .

Definitely call her doctor! There are many meds that could help. Sometimes you need to make a suggestion to the doctor, like saying you would like to try Aricept, or an anti-depressant, etc. Her age may be a deciding factor with meds, though.

Amy, you need to call her doc and get a script for Xanax or ativan, or something else that works quickly and is out of her system just as quickly. You need to get her to a geriatric psychiatrist as soon as you can to assess her depression/anxiety/dementia and to advise you on what level of care she needs. I do believe that this advice has been given in previous posts.

You say "not a tranquilizer". Was that suggested and rejected by you? You recognize that your mother requires meds, but have you sought medical advice on this? What did the IL doc suggest?

The fact that she can no longer function in IL does not necessarily mean that AL is the right place. Did the AL assess her and agree it was the correct level of care? I'm curious why she wasn't transferred directly from one place to the other, without going "home". This must be brutally disorienting to her, not to mention the stress on you all as well.

I'm sorry that this is not going as smoothly as you had hoped. She can't control this. Call her doctor right away. If she becomes dangerous, you take her to the ER.

Probably anything really effective would need a script from her MD like an anti-anxiety/depression med. Call her MD.