I am power of attorney for my Father who is in residential care.

I am an only child and he made it clear a few years ago that he wished me to inherit his house. His words were "patience it makes me very happy that you have agreed to live in my home when I am gone".

He now thinks he just says I am going home and it will happen.

I started renovations a few months ago as in very bad state. Now living in his home and feel bad for taking it when he's still alive. I know the alternative of it being empty makes no sense. I intended discussing this with him but feel due to his fluctuating bad behaviour I cannot do so. He will think he should just come home and I will look after him. This is not possible. I tried to but he will not listen to anything. Wants his own way and is as difficult as he can be. His own doctor agrees he is impossible in home environment. He wants it all on his terms and refused to engage with outside help. He hates Care facility as does not get his own way. Says rules are crazy cos they don't suit him. The staff can deal with it very well though and tell me he's no bother. Need reassurance.

He has enough income to pay for care
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Patience13

I agree. If there are no continuing funds for Dad’s care, you will have to use funds from the house to pay.

But by reading your post, I sense that you are also asking for reassurances that keeping Dad in the facility is “ok”. Dad has dementia? There are many, many posts here from caregivers who say their loved ones, in a facility, insist they are “going home”. In my mother’s case, “home” was her girlhood home in the 1930’s which isn’t even standing any longer.

We are raised to obey obey our parents. We aren’t suppose to oppose them and tell them “you can’t”. It goes against everything we were taught growing up. It’s ok that your Dad is in a facility. He’s where he needs to be. His doctor has assured you of that. Don’t argue with him. Don’t contradict him. It’s futile. We often recommend the “Therapeutic Fib”. Tell your dad that you are fixing up the house, which is true, and when the doctor tells you it’s ok for him to come home, you’ll talk about it. Of course, the house will never “be finished”.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Ahmijoy

I agree with gladimhere that you need to consider the idea that circumstances may dictate that you might not inherit the home before you invest your time and money in it.

But if that aspect has been handled to your satisfaction then you are just looking for some support for your decision, I agree that it is okay to live in the house even though he still wishes he could live there too. If his doctor has determined that he is not safe in a home environment, then he can't live there. Since he cannot live there, your choices are sell the house, rent it out or live in it. There is no "take Dad back home" option.

But be careful putting your money into it. Make sure there is going to be something to inherit before you put your money in there.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Marcia7321

PAtience, does dad have resources to pay for his care? I am concerned that you are renovating the home when if Medicaid is needed by dad that resources you have spent may not benefit dad's situation. Are you or he paying for the work that is being done.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to gladimhere

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