As a preface, I have been asked by my father to consider becoming a caregiver of my grandmother, which would also mean helping out with my 58 year old uncle who has had 2 strokes and lives with her. They live in Hawaii and I live in Texas.
After a few visits to the hospital for various problems, my grandmother's mental and physical health seems to be declining. According to my father, she repeats herself often and forgets about simple things like how her door locks work. I know that she has serious paranoia about gaining weight and has issues sleeping. In addition to this, she has a history of being abusive to caregivers that my dad has tried to hire or people who knew her and offered to help on their own. She refuses any kind of professional help, including the idea of going to an assisted living facility or in-home care.
None of this information includes my uncle, who cannot move half of his body has a speech impediment, OCD, hoards, and is verbally abusive.
I feel selfish for not wanting to do this, but I also feel like this responsibility shouldn't be placed on me. I don't know what to do or even what kind of solutions to offer my dad.