Since nov 11 her father has been in the hospital . she has been careing for her mother 24/7 . She has to take her mother to work with her . has cut her work in half so has lost heath ins. We were planning our wedding but since her father went in the hospital I have seen her for about 30 mins in that time . she don't know where to start for help so I will do it for her . Just looking for ideas as to where to find help .

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You are very kind, Ray. I remember the first year of caregiving and how terribly hard it was to handle the physical and emotional details of being responsible for another adult and also the huge paperwork/research load. If you can take much of that off her hands you will be making a true contribution. She, or even one of her parents, might have to make the ultimate contacts and sign papers, etc., but you can get the ball rolling. It will probably help if her parents will give you HIPPA authority to talk to medical professionals about them. Often when I'd call an insurance company or an agency they'd have me put my loved one on the phone to say it was all right for me to handle the call. But researching what options are available, how to get help, how to start the medicaid application process (if that is on the horizon) helping with selling the car or those kinds of details will be awesome help. It doesn't sound like you have much time, either, but if you can make a few calls on your lunch break, do a little online looking for attorneys who specialize in elder law to make sure the basics are covered before you go to bed, etc. it will add up.

I think the highest priority is to get some help so she can have some respite. She is already giving up half of her income. If her parents can't pay for help, help locate some volunteer services while help them look into qualifying for aid. (If they can afford to pay, then that is what should happen.)

Bless you. Hang in there!

Don't take any your sweetie's moods personally. Try to be supportive and encouraging.
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Thank you I will send this info to her and her dad asked me to move in but I would be a hinderence for I work in retail so I work all holidays and only have 1 day off aweek . and work at least 2 day a week with only 6 hours between shifts . so I am not able to help her as much as I can .That makes me feel bad that I am not able to be there for her . I am 52 she is 44 so we have put our wedding off for this year and decided to wait till things play out or stabilize for her .
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I am afraid that she is headed for burnout...most likely already there. I doubt that she can continue this pace much longer.
First, just as an interim solution, hire in-home care to come in the morning to stay with Mom, get her bathed and dressed, etc. And perhaps in the evening so that she can visit Dad without worrying about Mom.
There may be another dynamic happening here, that we all suffer from, and that is the "I can do everything" syndrome. You learn very quickly that it takes many people to help with an elderly family member...let alone two.
It would really be beneficial for her to come to this site and read many of the posts. Most of us are long term caregivers, so there is a lot of good advice here.
Can her parents afford Assisted Living? If not, there are many ALFs that take Medicaid residents. Perhaps that is something you could do for her. Visit ALFs in your area and find out what your options are. Speak with the directors, not the sales staff. They are the best resource for information and can give you some guidance.
It is normal for her to be depressed and stressed...but those are clear signals that things need to change. So, I would suggest looking at options sooner than later. Also, counseling may help her get over any guilt she may feel for having to choose a different living arrangement.
But for now, start with in-home paid care, to give her a break.
PS: Her Dad may be able to qualify for hospice care, which can take place in her home. My best advice is to get a referral for a good company and contact them directly. They can give you guidance and they have doctors on staff who can help her Dad qualify. (I can give you more information about this option.)
Good luck
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No vetrans they both live at home with her. Mom suffered 2 strokes is in a walker . Dad is going through radiation for lung cancer and is in walker . When he comes home he wil be total dependent on her care . She starts each day at 630 am to get mom ready for work . after work she takes her home for meds and meal then they go to the hospital to spend time with dad til 9:30 pm . the she goes home to get mom dressed for bed makes bed and lay out her things for morning . then she gets her self ready for bed . she has no time to go any where with out her mom . when they go shopping I come along to push mom around so she can shop for everything at once instead of 6 times a week . I know she has benn crying everyday for a week now . she is stressing bad I am concerned for her she cares so much for her parents but she is getting depressed that is why I joined here to try and help where I can .
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Start with your local "office on aging" and find out what resources there are in your community. They may just give you a list of telephone numbers, but at least it is a start.
Is either of her parents a veteran? There is a benefit called Aide and Attendance that you have to apply for and is based mostly on physical need.
Many programs are based solely on income. They would have to meet the income levels to qualify.
Are her parents living at home? or in an Assisted Living Facility? If not, it would be wise to investigate facilities in your area. There is a variety of care out there from simple assistance with housekeeping and meals to full personal care.
In the meantime, there should really be some paid in-home care in place...she will not be able to do it alone, unless she plans on becoming a full time caregiver. It really is a 24/7 job with lots of challenges.
I hope this gives you a start. We really need more information in order to give you more specific advice. For example, what are their physical issues? Are they both mobile? etc.
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