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So my sibling (I call her the Disney parent) gives dad a profile on facebook (while he is visiting her). I am sure so he can see all the family photos. Dad moved in with me a year ago and she gave him a smart phone. He barely can navigate the internet and email on his computer but he wanted one. I have had to teach him how to use the computer and fix what ever messes up teach him how to use his smart phone (the blue tooth she bought him and mailed) and he cant use). He asked about facebook before but I don't have the time nor the patience to deal with him on this now I am going to hear all about the family and their exploits. He is not the kind to post (i hope) but I fear him posting things what go on here. What ever he wants she gets for him since he lives with me. I am the rule maker and she is the Disney parent, dinners, things to do while he visits here buys him things and sends him home to the mean son.... me. Dad friend ed me and I wont add him BECAUSE I LIVE WITH HIM! How does anyone else manage social media with the elderly. He wont call his grand kids or send them an email let alone remember their birthday (I gave him a year calendar and an excel spreadsheet with all the family birthdays on it) but now he will be stalking them? They don't call him either (except for mine). Should I just let this pass? I have to fix the email issues and tell him how to open things, download photos....It is like the weather bug he had to have on his smartphone when he sits in front of the TV all day, just click the weather channel. I tried to tell him those aps are data hogs and use up (money). But what do I know, I am no computers all day long...... My 2 week vacation with my wife alone at home is coming to an end......

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So dad is back home. Made his trip back safe. Did not use the Bluetooth my sibling bought (doesn't work) I have issues with getting mine to work and I understand them! As I advised him, if the phone rings ignore it until you make a stop, nothing it that important. Seemed to work. Just because he wants it doesn't mean you have to buy it for him. man, I am living the divorced parents nightmare and I am happily married! Back to reality, he got home, I had a class I was late for and had to leave as soon as he got home (I had dinner made for my wife and I and him and he didn't tell me when he was to arrive home). So now he thinks I am mad at him..... I can't catch a break.
It's like having a child you cant discipline.I am sure he will think I am avoiding him, I work and home and have classes, meetings and or client meetings at night.... Its not like I have a real job........ Yeah, this house and utilities and food pays for it's self.......
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I wish I had a dollar for every time I told Dad the reason he can't get onto the Internet was because he still has dial-up :P I can understand Dad's frustrations because years ago he use to write his own software and could roam around the internet with no problems. But technology is going faster than he can learn and in a large metro area everyone has cable service. He still has an old computer in the basement that takes floppy disks.

Smartphone? Forgetabout it. We want a phone we can walk up to, pick up the receiver, dial, and hear clearly what the person is saying. Dad has now given up on the TV remote, he now goes up to the TV and uses the buttons on the side of the TV to change channels or the volume.

I don't do Facebook, I know it is great for families to keep up with each other, but the security risk is far too great for me. Who wants the whole world seeing photos of your children or grandchildren, copying those photos and putting them on who know what websites.
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Honestly, it sounds as though your dad has such a great time with sis and her family every time he visits that I wonder why he isn't living there instead of with you. Maybe you will have to stretch those visits longer and closer together until he is there more than he is with you LOL
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I love it when someone buys gifts that make me have to do more work. Grrr! I sympathize with you, tgengine. My family doesn't buy technology, but they do buy outdoor plants for "mother" to plant. She doesn't even go outside, so what would she want with another bush?

They mean well, though. Buying for older people can be hard. They already have five of everything and don't have much in the way of hobbies anymore. I usually buy things I know my mother will use, then discard when it's empty. Those are the best and most appreciated gifts.
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Thanks, Dad dies not have any dementia issues yet.... he is savvy if he wants to be. He can get his bank info online (i have to reset his password numerous times).
He wants to be more mobile on the internet, he can look things up. I advised many times not to download or click on things that pop up (I have a network at home for business). I will get his password to look at his setup (I know all the passwords he uses, that is mandatory here). He's just not a social guy and I feel he wont understand social media (99% is just people complaining, kinda like me right now). Oh well, I am sure he will get tired of it soon enough. I just looked at my cable bill and he downloaded a $15.00 movie 2 months ago to buy.... He doesn't look at the details on cable. So my sibling does the fun stuff and I get stuck with the bills. She wanted to buy him a football package on my cable bill. Yeah great she looks good buying him a yearly package which I then have to pay for later on! ARAGH! All for one team which he doesn't even watch it all the way through! Its more or less he is bored sitting in the house. Well there is a world out there! I have gotten him into a church and lodge and a club, not too much more I can do. He is all about getting the best and what ever is up to date, then like a kid a Christmas, puts it down after the new year and forgets about it.
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My dad was never computer savvy and won't even touch an iPhone or ipad or laptop.

I got my parents a pix-star digital frame. It can connect to wifi and has its own email address and can accept photos automatically so they don't have to do a thing. They have had it for a couple of years now and they both absolutely love it. My dad is just mesmerized by it .. even still. He forgets the pictures and so for him its like looking at all new pics every day.. lol.
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My inlaws are "on" social media and we get the calls to "fix the" computer, iPad, iPhone, TV, remote, [insert electronic gadget here] all the time. I understand about the Disney personality type because we have one of those in our family. There's nothing on social media that's worthwhile for elders who aren't computer savvy. If your dad is a computer novice, move the computer or tell him it broke or got hacked. My friend told his dad that hackers could monitor him remotely through the computer and could steal his identity. That turned him cold on the computer. You should monitor the smartphone and check his settings. I just learned about this great feature where you put the phone on "do not disturb" but add a group of people whose calls get through. That will reduce the risk of him getting scammed over the phone. A much better place for your dad to spend time would be the library or senior center where he can enjoy real interaction with real people. Good luck!
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Further comment on the "friending" issue....I've always thought this was kind of juvenile, for ego enhancement, and basically meaningless. There's encouragement to gather friends, like squirrels gather and store nuts. Apparently it has some kind of psychological enhancement or ego boost.

If someone needs a friend, I wouldn't be looking to anyone who's "friended" online but rather to people who are in fact real friends and will help out when needed, not just claim a "friendship" online. I still don't see the real value of this aspect of social media.
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Besides the issue of spending some staring at a computer screen and the navigation online, there's the larger issue of using social media that commoditizes personal information for the gain of the media hosts. FB has had some egregious personal data usurpation issues.

I would hardly want anyone who's an older person, vulnerable and might share information that could be used not only for sale but by people who don't have common sense in protecting personal data to be exposed to social media.

I also see no reason why older people should accommodate those who do want to communicate through social media. There needs to be some respect and recognition for the fact that they've lived this long, usually through the Depression and WWII as well as subsequent wars, and don't need to accommodate young people who want their own brand of communication to be the guiding factor.

The concept of "friending" reminds me of slam books that were popular when I was in school. Schoolmates wrote comments in them that were supposed to be nice, friendly, and inspirational. Yet they could also be cruel. If someone's a friend, it doesn't need to be posted on line to be effective.
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I'm assuming there's some level of dementia here. My Dad was quite the hacker into his late seventies but now he can't even remember his password to get on line, so I had the service disconnected.

You might want to tell sis to back off on the tech stuff and slowly pare down his digital access till you can shut it down. I'm not a techie but there are ways to set up his computer to limit access to anything that can cause trouble.

With my Dads dementia anything new, phone etc, is no longer possible. He can't learn or remember new things or be taught to use new devices. I used to try and help him get online and find his country music sites but it would takes hours and was just impossible. I suspect youre getting in the same ballpark. Probably time to ease him away from the digital stuff unless you want to spend all your waking hours guiding him around.
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I don't have any suggestions, because my parents have no interest in the internet. They ask me to handle things for them. lol But, I don't mind. It takes little of my time.

I did notice that you say the grandkids don't call him, except for yours. That's sad. My parents have the same issue. The grandkids are quite happy to get cards with money and nice gifts for Christmas, but never have time to call their grandparents. Still, I bet your father wants to see how they doing.
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