We do plan to stay out of this matter but come to find that our cousin actually knows of this gentlemen and his family. She told us today that his wife passed a few years back and he moved in with his daughter not long after that and lived with her and her family up until a few months ago when they could no longer provide the skilled nursing he needed. She said they did t appear to be a close family but his daughter did what she could do so she found it odd that she just sort of dumped him there at the NH and doesn’t visit. She said he has grandkids and I’m guessing they do not visit either but was definitely happy to hear that he wasn’t a bad guy. Still a sad situation but am guessing g it happens more often than you think
He was still very cognizant compared to my mother, so I eould sit and visit with him for about 15 minutes after finishing my time with my mom.
Consider doing that with this gentleman. He needs to know someone cares about him.
The fortunate thing is this gentleman is NOT alone at the SNF, but surrounded by other elders and caregivers 24/7. He should consider socializing and getting to know others so he can occupy his time with useful activities instead of dwelling on what he's 'not' getting or what's 'not' happening in his life. His daughter put him up in her home for a few years after his wife died, so she's obviously not some monster who abandoned him to a SNF, but someone who placed him in managed care when she could no longer properly care for his needs at home. As far as guessing about whether the grandkids visit or not, who knows? And as far as him 'not being a bad guy goes', only the immediate family knows the details about that, everyone else is just guessing based on outward appearances, in reality.
What I'd do is the same as I would have done before Part 2 of this post: just continue being kind to him when you visit your loved one at this SNF. What else can you do? Calling his daughter is a mistake in my opinion; if the man has no dementia, he can call her (and his grandchildren) himself if he so desires. Communication works 2 ways!
I wish this gentleman the best of luck creating a new future for himself.