Hello, everyone.Mother passed on Aug 9, and I am sure many of you saw the story of her horrible final illness and descent into having her dementia finally uncovered beyond any doubt. I spent weeks feeling as if I had been to war. Hypervigilance, sleep issues, worrying about her care and then remembering that I did not have to worry anymore. A few weeks ago, I dreamed that she was in fact, not dead, and suddenly she was due to be sent back to her hoarded house, thus being my problem again.... oh and she was of course mad! We dove straight in to clearing out her house. Spent several weekends there, and two days where friends helped. We trashed almost everything. Habitat for Humanity came and took the few things that were decent.
I had a real estate agent I'd used to sell my dad's home come and look. She reached out to some investors, and they gave a price that was a good bit lower than I thought we could get, from my checking home sale prices, comps and such. I ended up finding an investor on my own. He did some shady things, there were some nerve-wracking moments. But finally as of late yesterday, the payment from the investor's lender was wired. I'd say in the future, I will NEVER deal with an investor again, unless I have my own agent. Now, as the holidays approach, I feel great relief that I will not be entertaining my mother. It had made the holidays miserable for me and our young adult kids the past several years. I still get weird moments that aren't grief... but I see a pair of fuzzy slippers in the store and wonder if I need to buy them for her. But I have not missed her or her chaos for a single moment.We took a cruise in October with my inlaws, and FIL is really becoming frail at age 80. He has some serious health issues. To be honest, I am glad I will not be in charge of that situation. I am happy to help my husband and his sister, but to know I will never again be placed in a decision making, figuring out finances, problem solving position is a relief.I wish you all peace this holiday season.
Thanks for the update and peace to you at the holidays and always.
As a suggestion, if you mom was known for a recipe or a favorite drink, perhaps do it for a Holiday dinner and do a “toast” to mom!
I recently re-read texts with my brother about my dad, and they were fraught with anxiety and worry--my own. I had forgotten just how pervasive my 24 hour constant concern had become--about "what will dad do next" and how can we settle him down. He passed in September and I have already blocked out just how badly things got. I know he is finally at peace and not riddled with confusion and hallucinations. Dementia is cruel.
I am glad you won't be in charge of your FIL. You've been through all the decision making and problem solving--it is a draining task, to say the least. Wishing you peaceful days ahead. Thank you for the update.
Here's to your next chapter.
Give yourself some space and some time to process your complicated feelings. Your family will understand if you can't do everything for a while and needs to take a break for yourself.