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My husband helps when he can, no help from brothers family.

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I am amazed at this point in time in the 21st century, that when it comes to someone being the caregiver, the finger is still being pointed at the wife, daughter, or female sibling. Somehow we need to change that stereotype and get the men in the family to pitch in, like some men are proudly doing.

Make a list of the care that is needed, line by line, and say what you are able to do. Those items on the list that are left opened need to be divided among your husband and his siblings. If the sibling live away but still close enough, ask them to spare every other weekend and come to help so you can have time for yourself.

Don't forget, we aren't professionally trained caregivers. Some say it's no different than taking care of children, but those who say that forget that a child eventually learns for themselves how to do things and becomes independent.

I know it is hard to do, very difficult to say no, but what if you are no longer available to take care of the father-in-law. Stress can cause major illness in those of us being caregivers. And sadly 30% of the caregivers pass on before those they are caring. Mention that to your husband, would he want you to be that 1 out of 3.

I am so thankful that my parent's primary physician understand the stress of caregiving, thus limits my time of going back and forth to her office.
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Please for your own good, stand your ground and make sure they confront "their" father's care!

It seems they are busy people so maybe you can do your research first about daily care for your FIL..So when they do meet you have info and numbers for them to call.. Let them get involved. Try not to let them dump it on your lap!

Good luck! I agree with SA if it wasn't my Mom I was caring for I would have walked along time ago... She's been with me for 12years...
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I'd be divorced.
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assandache7 THANKS some times I feel very alone out here i really have no one to turn to and i havent seen my husband for weeks. but you are right its time for the boys to have a talk
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I know how you feel! It doesn't get any easier!!

Can you find day care for father in law? Call your local Elder Affairs! They can help you with other options and see what resources are available for him..

You need to discuss this with your husband. He needs to confront this issue with his siblings. FIL is not your responsibility..I understand I took care of my husbands Great Grandmother and my Mother in law and now my Mom.. You need to take time for yourself. If you don't speak up they will continue to use you!!
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