So many wonderful kids taking care of their parents. God bless you all. Anybody out there caring for a spouse?

I was a caregiver for my husband for many years, until he passed away last Sept. My husband too when first showing signs of vascular dementia, fell a lot. After injuring myself one time trying to get him up, I started calling 911 each time he fell, and the EMT's were so very helpful and kind to come and get him up and back into bed. There is no charge for that unless they have to take him to the hospital for some reason, so please don't hesitate to call them.
And I do believe that the issues are basically the same when caring for parents or spouse, but there are also some vast differences, just because of the nature of the relationship.
Please don't hesitate to bring up any of your concerns/questions on this forum, as there are a great bunch of caregivers who if they can help in any way with their responses will.
And make sure that you're taking time just for you as well, as you matter too.
May God give you the strength and patience you will need for this journey that you're on with your husband.

You might want to get a Medical Alert to wear as a necklace or bracelet for you and your husband, where you or he presses a button and people will come to assist you. Don't strain yourself trying to pick him up. Also consider home care, having an aide come to assist you at the times when you need it most (like when he has to be bathed or dressed). Is he using a walker or other mechanical aides? Get connected with a local social worker who can advise you of your options. Medicare may cover some or all of what he needs. Also have a plan for when you call in Hospice, if he is declining. Hospice can advise and help get you the equipment you need.

Hello, Blessings and prayers for you....my hubby 61 and I are just starting this guy wrenching path. Dx in June. He's always been a sharp man able to do 6 things at once, highly autonomous CPA and business exec for himself. The changes and limitations have been gut wrenching for him. His self esteem has plummeted. He NEVER had a moment of self doubt or depression, but now gets angry and is highly agitated when his decisions or lack of decision is questioned. Suddenly our taxes are late, there's a IRS question there's a bill unpaid... We have had so much conflict as I try unsuccessfully to reason with him. Our only fun is with our grand baby. He sleeps so much, is groggy and fuzzy . Is unfocused. Is forgetful and impulsive. Our communication problems are worse then ever. He has had two strokes, will not take any meds. Had to let go of his 35 year accounting and tax practice because it was too comolicated..And was told to cut down...
Its been incredibly difficult on us. He thinks I'm controlling and bossy. He hates my interference and resents everything I do or say.
Gods blessings to anyone having to be going down this road.
Suggestions that helped me:
Google every Alzheimer dementia site, learn everything you can.
Watch you tube videos about the brain deterioration .
Get your Durable Power of Att. Papers ( medical and financial)in place now. He was very conflicted about this but I insisted.
We have conflict over even the simplest of things because he controlled every financial decision. Any question I ask about money or planning is met with suspicion, he's slightly paranoid and angry he can't control everything any more.
I am having to relearn how to communicate, learn how to get things done that he always did, I now manage our properties, our household, maintenance, our check book, investments, etc etc etc...everything....
Just keep telling yourself this sentence over and over. His brain has a disease. He cannot help and cannot understand some times...
Other days he's sharp and articulate....then ya get back into that teeter-totter of
communication.

I'm desperately praying for God to give me wisdom, patience, and deep compassion , taking away my anger and resentment. Pray pray And pray. Also counselling helps if you can find the time.
God bless...

Your husband is blessed to have you! There are a good number here caring for their spouses. The best advice I’ve seen, though it’s a challenge, is to care for yourself. You can’t be his advocate if you become ill, exhausted, and burned out. Get him used to others also helping out, whether it be family, friends, or a hired helper. And never pick him up after falls. We had many of these, the fire dept is well versed in getting a person up safely and assessing whether or not there are injuries requiring transport

I am a spouse caregiver. The best resource I have found for a caregiver of any type is https://leezascareconnection.org/ Due to the pandemic they offer a lot of their information and support virtually and now serve caregivers from around the world. I am blessed to be local but am mainly involved through zoom. Follow them on Facebook, they often post helpful info and provide links to other very good resources. They are non-profit but have a policy to provide their services free and not target caregivers for donations so you can be comfortable signing up for their mail list or registering for the various programs. They have a YouTube channel where the live-streaming videos are uploaded to be available anytime. They totally get the stresses of being a caregiver because Leeza Gibbons, the founder, was involved in caring for her mom who had Alzheimer’s. A lot of their volunteers are former caregivers as well. I am part of a support group for caregivers of loved ones with Parkinson’s. I also attend a drumming class and a monthly webinar about dealing with sensitive issues in dementia… all on zoom. If I could go in person they have great volunteers to spend time with my husband while I attend the support group. Check it out and I am sure you will find something that applies to whatever you are dealing with at various times. The most positive and encouraging resource I depend on to get me through various issues.

Yes it is different with a spouse.

You grew up sort of knowing your parents would decline and you would need to watch them decline.

Your spouse? You promised to love, honor, etc ."in sickness and in health." When you can't make them better, you feel like you have failed. You want to do anything you can. The problem is, eventually you will realize there is nothing you can do. You need to take care of yourself. The most valuable resource they have is your ability to advocate for them.

Hello, I am Jazzy. I am also a caregiver, specializing in seniors with Alzheimer's. It's not an easy profession, but very rewarding. Been at this for almost 50 years. I was also my hubby's caregiver, and I wouldn't trade those memories for all the gold in the world. I commend you for being your husband's caregiver. Treasure this time, 'cause they will bring you comfort when his life journey is done. About his falling - please don't try picking him up - if he should get injured, that will make it worse. I've found that if you call your local fire department, explain your situation, and ask if they will come get him up for you, they will be more than happy to help. They will also check him out - that's peace of mind for you. Know that you will need to take care of YOU also. When a chance to take a break shows up, take it, and do not feel guilty about it. Guilt and regret are a total waste of time, and they will mess with your mind. I wish you the best in all you do, and that you find comfort, peace, in your mind and soul. Treasure this time you have, cause time goes by quickly. Know too, that you and yours are in my prayers. Talk to GOD, and he will bring you comfort. Take care, Jazzy.

I have been caring for my husband since his stroke 5 years ago. Luckily, it only hit his speech area. However, I still had to retire early since my work "wouldn't work with me" on being home when therapists were coming. The stroke did cause early onset of vascular dementia so I don't leave him alone very long. He is also a fall risk. It's hard, but right now, things are all right. Wish I could go back to work but I know as soon as I did something else would happen. If he fell, or had another stroke or heart attack, things could end up very different. I'm little, he's tall and heavier, I'd never be able to get him up. For now, we are doing this by ourselves. He is a 100% DAV and the VA has been very helpful in answering questions. If we need home health, I will ask for it.

I cared for my Husband for 12 years after the Dementia diagnosis. (cared for him long before that as we all care for our Loved Ones.)
Caring for a spouse or SO completely changes the dynamic of the relationship.
As a married couple you have been intimate for years.
As a caregiver the intimate relationship changes and it is a "new" intimacy.
You both have to deal with that change.

I suggest, if he is no longer getting treatment for the cancer that you contact Hospice he would qualify based on the cancer diagnosis.
If he still wishes treatment for the cancer he may qualify based on the cognitive decline.
With Hospice you would get the supplies and equipment that you need to help him and help him safely for both you and him.
A Sit to Stand was a great help for me. Later we switched to a Hoyer Lift. Both enabled me to safely care for my Husband.
IF he falls do NOT try to get him up yourself. Call 911 or the non emergency number and ask for a "Lift Assist" the paramedics are trained to properly, safely lift or help someone up off the floor. If he is not hurt and there is no transport to the hospital in 99.9% of the time you will not be charged for the call.
(some areas contract with EMS and in those areas you might be charged. Call or stop by the Fire department or Village Hall and ask. They also like knowing where someone that might need extra help resides. Some people have a Fire Department Lock Box set up so that they can get in in an emergency.)

I based keeping my Husband at home based on 1 thing.
If it was safe for HIM for me to care for him then he would remain at home.
If it was safe for ME to care for him then he would remain at home.
If at anytime it became unsafe for either of up I would have had no option but to place him.
I thank the help I got form Hospice and the VA that that never became a choice I had to make.

And you have depended on them to help you with difficult things. I would guess it is very difficult and heart rending. And I am about to find out, I suspect. Bless you and him. And all of you, and us, caring for loved ones.