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I am sole careperson to husband. Hired home help , but getting to rough to care for him most other days. Assisted living with added help or nursing home. Which I don't like that just yet. His sons live far . so no help. And honestly they said nursing home if they take him. I have family in another state so I won't go with him. Or live in aA.L home. Not ready.2nd marriage late in life has lots of issues.Feeling lost and alone.

I'm sorry you are facing these huge challenges on your own. You don't like the idea of moving him to Assisted Living or Nursing home because it means a big change. If you don't want to move to assisted living with him, then it means splitting with your husband and living alone. It is an unfortunate fact of life that we all will face growing older and losing mobility or becoming ill with disease that takes away our mental resources or ravages our body. That is change we must accept or learn to live with. There's not really an easy answer for this if you aren't ready to accept the inevitable changes in your life. And, it has nothing to do with a 2nd marriage later in life. You would be facing these hard truths if you had been married for 50 years. Your children's job is not to rescue you and take on the burden of full-time caregiving for an aging parent, or two aging parents.

My stepsons also say that when I can no longer manage my husband's care, that he will have to go to a nursing home. They are not prepared to take care of him.
I keep doing it as long as I can, because I can't bear to be separated from him. But, it is getting harder and harder, and one day I will have to make the decision. I will place him in a nursing home and begin to navigate life on my own, without my dear, sweet husband by my side. I'm sure I will feel lost and alone and sad. It's the same with losing a partner to death. We suddenly have to face life without them. And it happens to all of us sooner or later.
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You may want to see an Elder Law attorney to work out the finances of all this -- how your income and assets, your husband's income and assets, and your joint/shared assets could/should/would be used to fund care and living arrangements. Also how to avoid any mistakes with regard to possible future need to use Medicaid funding for long-term care.
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This is a pretty common scenario when people get married a second time late in life. How many hours a day and how many days a week are you having help in? I would ramp it up for as much as it takes for you to not feel overwhelmed and burned out.

Eventually, the cost of in-home care will exceed the amount of a facility. And, you yourself are not ready, so please make the most of your own life now, make yourself a priority.

You will need to work out your own future care: PoA, advance healthcare directive, which facility (if any), and where you wish to live this out.
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